Exciting period! Expensive time! Busy roads!
With all of that, remember - The Future belong to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams!
A Merry xmas to you and your families & A prosperious new year ahead.
Until Next time, stay beautiful!
Tamara Booi
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
To Be a Victim is a Choice – says Tamara Booi
Do you feel relieved, calmer, happier and more self accepting when there is someone or something to blame for an unpleasant situation you found yourself in?
You may be blaming everything and everyone around you for the unfortunate place in your life. By definition – you are choosing to identify yourself as a victim. Being a victim feels awful and you are sure to look the part – awful. As the law of attraction suggests – as an awful-looking individual, you will attract similar people who understands how it feels to be awful and pity will be the order of your daily life.
Be able to identify abuse (in any form) and take full responsibility of your situation. The most recognized form of abuse is physical abuse. However, I believe that one suffers a lot of emotional abuse way before physical abuse take place. Staying a victim of emotional abuse is a direct application of a physical one. The first step in being ‘victim free’ is to realize that you don’t have to, and that it is a choice. If you expect to be treated badly, you WILL be treated badly. However, if you treat yourself like the fabulous goddess you are and expect only the best – people will see that in you and start treating as such. I must say it is easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It takes two things - TIME & PRACTICE. The more you refuse to be a victim, the more seriously people will take you and your boundaries.
Ladies, I’d like to share with you some of my own personal “Bill of Rights” that I believe every woman should live by:
• You have the right to make your own choices
• You have the right to follow your own values & standards, as long as you not abusive towards others
• You have the right to dignity and respect
• You have the right to ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS
• You have the right to determine and honour your priorities
• You have the right to SAY NO when you feel you are not ready, unsafe or if it violates your values
• You have a right to make mistakes and not be perfect
• You have the right to change your mind anytime
• You have the right to your personal space and time
• You have the right to be sexual & celebrate sexuality (including orgasm)
• You have the right to your own spiritual beliefs
• You have the right to joyfully receive without feeling guilty
• You have the right to be happy.
People who see themselves as victims of other people’s behaviour are at high risk of being treated badly than those who don’t see themselves that way. Be strong and empowered, don’t take abuse from anyone! Move away from phrases like – “I don’t have luck in men”; “He’s not my type”; “...coz I’m poor”; “He can’t love me because...”; “I just don’t have luck period”; “Even this one will never work”.
By not coming forward about rape or any form of physical abuse, you are choosing to be a victim forever. Not even those you dearly love (like your father or your husband) have NO right to talk down on you. Allowing this will make you believe that there’s nothing wrong in talking down on others. Peter McWilliams’ definition of a victim is – “A person to whom life happens”. People grow on you, stuff happen on you; people come & go and leave you, time changes on you, people learn on you.
Maybe start by not taking everything personally. Not everything others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Until next time, stop being a victim – there is more life outside that little box!
Tamara Booi
You may be blaming everything and everyone around you for the unfortunate place in your life. By definition – you are choosing to identify yourself as a victim. Being a victim feels awful and you are sure to look the part – awful. As the law of attraction suggests – as an awful-looking individual, you will attract similar people who understands how it feels to be awful and pity will be the order of your daily life.
Be able to identify abuse (in any form) and take full responsibility of your situation. The most recognized form of abuse is physical abuse. However, I believe that one suffers a lot of emotional abuse way before physical abuse take place. Staying a victim of emotional abuse is a direct application of a physical one. The first step in being ‘victim free’ is to realize that you don’t have to, and that it is a choice. If you expect to be treated badly, you WILL be treated badly. However, if you treat yourself like the fabulous goddess you are and expect only the best – people will see that in you and start treating as such. I must say it is easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It takes two things - TIME & PRACTICE. The more you refuse to be a victim, the more seriously people will take you and your boundaries.
Ladies, I’d like to share with you some of my own personal “Bill of Rights” that I believe every woman should live by:
• You have the right to make your own choices
• You have the right to follow your own values & standards, as long as you not abusive towards others
• You have the right to dignity and respect
• You have the right to ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS
• You have the right to determine and honour your priorities
• You have the right to SAY NO when you feel you are not ready, unsafe or if it violates your values
• You have a right to make mistakes and not be perfect
• You have the right to change your mind anytime
• You have the right to your personal space and time
• You have the right to be sexual & celebrate sexuality (including orgasm)
• You have the right to your own spiritual beliefs
• You have the right to joyfully receive without feeling guilty
• You have the right to be happy.
People who see themselves as victims of other people’s behaviour are at high risk of being treated badly than those who don’t see themselves that way. Be strong and empowered, don’t take abuse from anyone! Move away from phrases like – “I don’t have luck in men”; “He’s not my type”; “...coz I’m poor”; “He can’t love me because...”; “I just don’t have luck period”; “Even this one will never work”.
By not coming forward about rape or any form of physical abuse, you are choosing to be a victim forever. Not even those you dearly love (like your father or your husband) have NO right to talk down on you. Allowing this will make you believe that there’s nothing wrong in talking down on others. Peter McWilliams’ definition of a victim is – “A person to whom life happens”. People grow on you, stuff happen on you; people come & go and leave you, time changes on you, people learn on you.
Maybe start by not taking everything personally. Not everything others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Until next time, stop being a victim – there is more life outside that little box!
Tamara Booi
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
One Of The Qualities Of Humility Is Tolerance!
How often do you tolerate those who do not share your ways of life?
Tolerance is one important quality of life that is often misinterpreted. Those who are blessed with this mental gift are often mistaken for idiocy, weakness or limited mind. In my opinion; tolerance is the acceptance of different views, social, cultural and religious diversity within the human race. If tolerance is understood as respect and consideration for the difference in human beings, as a provision to admit other ways of being and acting than that of our own, or as an attitude of acceptance of legitimate pluralism - it is therefore clearly a virtue paramount importance!
As a result of the above differences, the human mind gets conditioned to understand and behave in accordance with one’s culture, beliefs or way of life. Immediately when the universe introduces you to a place where things are done or said differently – the conditioned mind fights back. Prudent is the one who is able to employ tolerance.
As diverse as the nation is, you have your own way and I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, the only way - it does not exist. We need to teach our minds to accept what we cannot change. One of many things I have learnt from the men’s species is that - in the practice of tolerance, the best teacher is your enemy. Men keep their enemies close (including their ex’s) not because they forgot what made them enemies but because they know that there are other things that they can possible learn from them, history was made and they cannot restore it. Females can easily burn bridges from a mere conversation that did not go well. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression, in order for every individual to express her views without a penalty; there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Practically; there is no way that we can be able to tolerate just about everything so, when should we tolerate something? In my opinion one should tolerate provided that failure to do so, it is judged that the remedy be worse than the disease. Tolerance should be granted to those who insist on their rights, provided they do not violate the fundamental human rights. You should tolerate that which you cannot change. One of my philosophies in life is that - free your energies from what you cannot change rather focus on what you can do to influence the control. Wise married women would agree with me on that one - The same concept shall apply to every area of our lives – work on the influence and the result will determine the control.
Ladies, no individual is born with tolerance – it is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice. It is the ability to listen & accept others; valuing the different ways of understanding and positions in life. Give respect and consideration to other people’s values, beliefs & religions. If you only get along with people that speak your language, like what you like, agree with everything you say – you are limiting your mental capacity. Maybe you are only comfortable with people who share your religious or spiritual beliefs; and you close off on the rest of the world. Locking yourself into your little corner is like locking your mind into one little valve.
One successful business man once said to me, throughout his career he’s never been in a boardroom trying to convince an associate to understand his way of life. He further said that he once sat down and eventually closed a deal with his ex girlfriend’s husband. Clearly, these two could not allow their past to determine their future. They tolerated each other’s positions and in the end they learnt something new about each other. Now ask a woman to be just in the same room with her ‘so called’ enemy & you will witness a whole different scenario all together! One would justify this and bring out the tired-emotional-card but remember; tolerance is an acquired skill – it can be learnt.
Today I’d like us to adopt and apply the spirit of tolerance – it is one crucial quality of humbleness.
Until next time - Stay tolerant!
Tamara Booi
Tolerance is one important quality of life that is often misinterpreted. Those who are blessed with this mental gift are often mistaken for idiocy, weakness or limited mind. In my opinion; tolerance is the acceptance of different views, social, cultural and religious diversity within the human race. If tolerance is understood as respect and consideration for the difference in human beings, as a provision to admit other ways of being and acting than that of our own, or as an attitude of acceptance of legitimate pluralism - it is therefore clearly a virtue paramount importance!
As a result of the above differences, the human mind gets conditioned to understand and behave in accordance with one’s culture, beliefs or way of life. Immediately when the universe introduces you to a place where things are done or said differently – the conditioned mind fights back. Prudent is the one who is able to employ tolerance.
As diverse as the nation is, you have your own way and I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, the only way - it does not exist. We need to teach our minds to accept what we cannot change. One of many things I have learnt from the men’s species is that - in the practice of tolerance, the best teacher is your enemy. Men keep their enemies close (including their ex’s) not because they forgot what made them enemies but because they know that there are other things that they can possible learn from them, history was made and they cannot restore it. Females can easily burn bridges from a mere conversation that did not go well. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression, in order for every individual to express her views without a penalty; there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Practically; there is no way that we can be able to tolerate just about everything so, when should we tolerate something? In my opinion one should tolerate provided that failure to do so, it is judged that the remedy be worse than the disease. Tolerance should be granted to those who insist on their rights, provided they do not violate the fundamental human rights. You should tolerate that which you cannot change. One of my philosophies in life is that - free your energies from what you cannot change rather focus on what you can do to influence the control. Wise married women would agree with me on that one - The same concept shall apply to every area of our lives – work on the influence and the result will determine the control.
Ladies, no individual is born with tolerance – it is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice. It is the ability to listen & accept others; valuing the different ways of understanding and positions in life. Give respect and consideration to other people’s values, beliefs & religions. If you only get along with people that speak your language, like what you like, agree with everything you say – you are limiting your mental capacity. Maybe you are only comfortable with people who share your religious or spiritual beliefs; and you close off on the rest of the world. Locking yourself into your little corner is like locking your mind into one little valve.
One successful business man once said to me, throughout his career he’s never been in a boardroom trying to convince an associate to understand his way of life. He further said that he once sat down and eventually closed a deal with his ex girlfriend’s husband. Clearly, these two could not allow their past to determine their future. They tolerated each other’s positions and in the end they learnt something new about each other. Now ask a woman to be just in the same room with her ‘so called’ enemy & you will witness a whole different scenario all together! One would justify this and bring out the tired-emotional-card but remember; tolerance is an acquired skill – it can be learnt.
Today I’d like us to adopt and apply the spirit of tolerance – it is one crucial quality of humbleness.
Until next time - Stay tolerant!
Tamara Booi
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Stereotypes of A Black Woman Misunderstood!!
Is your life so caught up in stereotypes to a point where you find yourself living by them?
It is very interesting to realize that among all races – black females are classified and continue to be perceived in a particular manner. Stereotypes about black females are a stigma, and what is disturbing is the fact that not only the white folk have stereotypes about us but also our black brothers.
Whites back in the day had what I call the main three character stereotypes about black women. For a very long time they concluded that they knew or understood the behaviour of black women through these characters and somehow we confirmed this. The first character was Jemima – This was a black fat woman, almost a mother earth figure, she had no sex appeal (at least to them), she was happy with her life of faithful service to the white people. She’d smile and laugh..maybe too much, she had a good heart but not particularly bright or even all that trustworthy. The second character was Jezebel (named after an evil queen in the bible). This black female was considered loose, had to have sex all the time, uses sex to draw men in to get what she wanted – which was most of the time money. The last character was Sapphire – This black woman seemed to always had her hands on her hips (in the minds of the white) while she’s running her mouth – putting her man down, making everything into a fight, never takes anything lying down. This was perceived an overbearing, hard and undesirable woman who drives men away. These characters stayed with the black folk and are still living with us even today.
In my opinion, these characters are not a well-meaning of us but an unsuccessful attempt to understand black women! They are an attempt to excuse the behaviour of white people AND black men towards black women. These stereotypes continue to teach children that black women are happy to do the dirty work (Jemima); do not mind having sex and children without a ring (Jezebel) and all they do is complain and want men to work for them (Sapphire).
It disgusts me to hear a black man bringing up the “Sapphire” stereotype as an excuse to date and marry a white woman! I like some of my black brother’s hip hop rhymes; but what is a hazard about some of them is that they still strengthens that black women are nothing but “bitches” and “hoes” – Sapphire & Jezebel.
Our cultures and traditions too continue to push a lot of stereotypes. As a black female, the minute you have 2 or 3 children out of wedlock – first words you hear “who will marry you?” Now for a teenager who happened to have wrecked her life to this situation; she immediately thinks & lives her life without any hope for marriage or any good man taking her seriously. By all means, I am not promoting children before marriage but who said you cannot find a man who will appreciate your current self with your past flaws? And who said you are not complete if you are not married or immoral if you date after 40?
I salute iconic people like Oprah Winfrey who cuts right across these stereotypes and weakens them. It’s all about choices that we make for ourselves and not about what choices society thinks we should make.
In the workplace, black females continue to be perceived as lazy and incompetent. Not because this is all true but once again; back in the day women in general were never hard at work. When women started to work hard, white females were quickly backed up by their families. Our struggles, culture & our black men’s insecurities still held us back. When a black woman started to break through this stereotype – a black men’s ego kept her second. Until this stereotype leaves the mind of the white AND a black man, you are still to be considered as “Having Potential” - “Still needs to learn”. If you are still waiting for the world to tell you that you are good – WAIT!
Black woman - dream big, think hard, break the stereotypes – do not allow yourself to be a reference of them, deteriorate them!
By dreaming big – you will always remember that you used to eat sardines for dinner, and this will push you to make sure that your children have a good balanced meal every time. You will remember that Father Christmas never visited your home, but always there at your neighbour’s doorstep; this will make you work hard that the North Pole be in your yard. You will remember that some birthdays would pass without a birthday cake; and that will make you work hard to a point when you sip on Champaign when you thirsty.
By thinking hard – you will always remember how you used to wish for better days, better clothes, better life; and this will make you get off your behind!
By breaking those stereotypes – you will be bringing the black woman’s dignity and power to light!
Tamara Booi
It is very interesting to realize that among all races – black females are classified and continue to be perceived in a particular manner. Stereotypes about black females are a stigma, and what is disturbing is the fact that not only the white folk have stereotypes about us but also our black brothers.
Whites back in the day had what I call the main three character stereotypes about black women. For a very long time they concluded that they knew or understood the behaviour of black women through these characters and somehow we confirmed this. The first character was Jemima – This was a black fat woman, almost a mother earth figure, she had no sex appeal (at least to them), she was happy with her life of faithful service to the white people. She’d smile and laugh..maybe too much, she had a good heart but not particularly bright or even all that trustworthy. The second character was Jezebel (named after an evil queen in the bible). This black female was considered loose, had to have sex all the time, uses sex to draw men in to get what she wanted – which was most of the time money. The last character was Sapphire – This black woman seemed to always had her hands on her hips (in the minds of the white) while she’s running her mouth – putting her man down, making everything into a fight, never takes anything lying down. This was perceived an overbearing, hard and undesirable woman who drives men away. These characters stayed with the black folk and are still living with us even today.
In my opinion, these characters are not a well-meaning of us but an unsuccessful attempt to understand black women! They are an attempt to excuse the behaviour of white people AND black men towards black women. These stereotypes continue to teach children that black women are happy to do the dirty work (Jemima); do not mind having sex and children without a ring (Jezebel) and all they do is complain and want men to work for them (Sapphire).
It disgusts me to hear a black man bringing up the “Sapphire” stereotype as an excuse to date and marry a white woman! I like some of my black brother’s hip hop rhymes; but what is a hazard about some of them is that they still strengthens that black women are nothing but “bitches” and “hoes” – Sapphire & Jezebel.
Our cultures and traditions too continue to push a lot of stereotypes. As a black female, the minute you have 2 or 3 children out of wedlock – first words you hear “who will marry you?” Now for a teenager who happened to have wrecked her life to this situation; she immediately thinks & lives her life without any hope for marriage or any good man taking her seriously. By all means, I am not promoting children before marriage but who said you cannot find a man who will appreciate your current self with your past flaws? And who said you are not complete if you are not married or immoral if you date after 40?
I salute iconic people like Oprah Winfrey who cuts right across these stereotypes and weakens them. It’s all about choices that we make for ourselves and not about what choices society thinks we should make.
In the workplace, black females continue to be perceived as lazy and incompetent. Not because this is all true but once again; back in the day women in general were never hard at work. When women started to work hard, white females were quickly backed up by their families. Our struggles, culture & our black men’s insecurities still held us back. When a black woman started to break through this stereotype – a black men’s ego kept her second. Until this stereotype leaves the mind of the white AND a black man, you are still to be considered as “Having Potential” - “Still needs to learn”. If you are still waiting for the world to tell you that you are good – WAIT!
Black woman - dream big, think hard, break the stereotypes – do not allow yourself to be a reference of them, deteriorate them!
By dreaming big – you will always remember that you used to eat sardines for dinner, and this will push you to make sure that your children have a good balanced meal every time. You will remember that Father Christmas never visited your home, but always there at your neighbour’s doorstep; this will make you work hard that the North Pole be in your yard. You will remember that some birthdays would pass without a birthday cake; and that will make you work hard to a point when you sip on Champaign when you thirsty.
By thinking hard – you will always remember how you used to wish for better days, better clothes, better life; and this will make you get off your behind!
By breaking those stereotypes – you will be bringing the black woman’s dignity and power to light!
Tamara Booi
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Is your mind still in Exile?
I have realized that even after 15 years in our democracy we are still battling psychologically. This is sad for me because I believe everything starts in the mind – one needs to believe she is something to be something. The government can only unveil the world that was made foreign to us; penetrating into the unknown still remains our duty.
Our black sisters have got a lot of talent & they do make it in the corporate world; but just a few steps before the top. Those who are just too obvious (extremely intelligent that is) get to those titles like: CEO, Director etc. However, their influence is as good as that of another general manager.
Experience, education, talent & leadership skills will get you to top management in the corporate world; but when you get there – your state of mind will determine how influential you will be.
Society has conditioned most of us to believe that for things to happen there should be another person of colour hand-walking us. This does not just end with race; it goes further to gender. We come up with wonderful ideas that for some reason need men to bring to reality or complete our projects. I strongly believe that the above scenarios are not because we are incapable of being influential when we are at the top; but our minds are still oppressed.
Steve Biko once said – “The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed”
Believe it or not; the corporate leaders do not only know that we want to be at director levels. They also know that although we want to get there we do not entirely believe that we are capable of making it. They are constantly proving this by giving us these driving positions while we don’t even get to touch the steering wheel. Our brothers too unconsciously; do exercise this culture. BEE requirements are compelling them to have females as shareholders in business; and this in most cases is only practical on paper. Call me biased but; I do not think they consciously plan to repress us. We exploit ourselves by bringing only ourselves to those positions & leave our ‘I can’ minds in exile.
We underestimate the power of the mind. They say if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you may be right.
It is evidently not easy out there; but who said it would be! We must know that it is not easy for everyone; it is not because it is you who is trying to make it. Men choose to put their minds at the “I know how” state and the results confirm the power in that.
Yes you can sit in that board meeting as a female – that’s how they can hear your views! Yes you can disagree with what you don’t believe in – that’s how they can differentiate what you know from what you don’t know. Yes you can stand up and tell them you are leaving a board meeting if they start to speak a language you don’t understand or you feel your input is not recognised – that’s how they will respect you. Yes you can make it on your own; because you are capable.
Release your mind from exile – its freedom and yours can not be separated!
Tamara Booi
Our black sisters have got a lot of talent & they do make it in the corporate world; but just a few steps before the top. Those who are just too obvious (extremely intelligent that is) get to those titles like: CEO, Director etc. However, their influence is as good as that of another general manager.
Experience, education, talent & leadership skills will get you to top management in the corporate world; but when you get there – your state of mind will determine how influential you will be.
Society has conditioned most of us to believe that for things to happen there should be another person of colour hand-walking us. This does not just end with race; it goes further to gender. We come up with wonderful ideas that for some reason need men to bring to reality or complete our projects. I strongly believe that the above scenarios are not because we are incapable of being influential when we are at the top; but our minds are still oppressed.
Steve Biko once said – “The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed”
Believe it or not; the corporate leaders do not only know that we want to be at director levels. They also know that although we want to get there we do not entirely believe that we are capable of making it. They are constantly proving this by giving us these driving positions while we don’t even get to touch the steering wheel. Our brothers too unconsciously; do exercise this culture. BEE requirements are compelling them to have females as shareholders in business; and this in most cases is only practical on paper. Call me biased but; I do not think they consciously plan to repress us. We exploit ourselves by bringing only ourselves to those positions & leave our ‘I can’ minds in exile.
We underestimate the power of the mind. They say if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you may be right.
It is evidently not easy out there; but who said it would be! We must know that it is not easy for everyone; it is not because it is you who is trying to make it. Men choose to put their minds at the “I know how” state and the results confirm the power in that.
Yes you can sit in that board meeting as a female – that’s how they can hear your views! Yes you can disagree with what you don’t believe in – that’s how they can differentiate what you know from what you don’t know. Yes you can stand up and tell them you are leaving a board meeting if they start to speak a language you don’t understand or you feel your input is not recognised – that’s how they will respect you. Yes you can make it on your own; because you are capable.
Release your mind from exile – its freedom and yours can not be separated!
Tamara Booi
Friday, September 17, 2010
Anger poisons our eternal wisdom!
I have realized that as I’m growing older and wiser I do not get easily angered. At first I was a little concerned as I thought I was losing my feminine side... A friend of mine confirmed this in a different way when she said to me the other day that I was becoming selfish. Selfish sounded horrible to those who were listening but my heart smiled with self-satisfaction and I could only say thank you as I thought that was a complement.
People with little understanding are most apt to get angry when their logic is called into action. As females, most of the time we think our inability to make sense at times qualifies our anger. Sometimes we miss out on constructive arguments because when the heat rise and we cannot articulate ourselves well anymore – we switch off & get angry. We lose good friendships because, when our good friends try and caution us about our shortcomings – we get angry. Sometimes we get so angry to a point that we believe we should be understood for being angry & those who angered us should apologise for doing so.
Having said that, it is almost impossible to think that anger is a feeling that does not exist in a human being. I believe that we are just allowing it to own a greater part of our intellectual faculty. It’s never about what people do or say that makes us angry; it’s what we tell ourselves about what they said or did. Anger is a feeling that should exits in a normal human creature but it is important that you let it out. As soon as anger is fed, it is dead but starving it makes it fat. It is even more crucial that we know how to let it out.
Stay away from immature anger! Shouting will most probably terrify the other person or just make him tone deaf; and what is said or done during that shall not be on record because it was said or done in anger & most of the time it has little influence to a solution. Crying may sure create some attention for you & things may go your way but this way of anger will not solve your problems. Things will go your way for hours/days & chances are the problem will transpire again because you were not understood but only felt pity for.
“The intoxication of anger, like that of grapes shows us to others but hides us from ourselves”
Anger will decrease your chances of learning & personal growth in general. People will close down on you, say & do all the things you are comfortable with because they’ll be cautious of saying or doing new things that might trigger your anger. Friends may let you be because they cautious of stepping into your anger zone; and those who don’t have time for that may just cut you out of their lives. Men may run away because immature anger is one of the signs of emotional challenged individual. Those men looking for a prey might stick around just to get you angrier and stay a victim to them.
Ladies, I challenge you all today to take control of your anger. When you are angry, you are powerless. They say, he who angers you conquers you. Instead of wasting your energies in being angry; why don’t you invest them in pulling your senses together & strive to be understood. Don’t forget to understand too to be understood – it’s a two way street.
Stay Powerful!
Tamara Booi
People with little understanding are most apt to get angry when their logic is called into action. As females, most of the time we think our inability to make sense at times qualifies our anger. Sometimes we miss out on constructive arguments because when the heat rise and we cannot articulate ourselves well anymore – we switch off & get angry. We lose good friendships because, when our good friends try and caution us about our shortcomings – we get angry. Sometimes we get so angry to a point that we believe we should be understood for being angry & those who angered us should apologise for doing so.
Having said that, it is almost impossible to think that anger is a feeling that does not exist in a human being. I believe that we are just allowing it to own a greater part of our intellectual faculty. It’s never about what people do or say that makes us angry; it’s what we tell ourselves about what they said or did. Anger is a feeling that should exits in a normal human creature but it is important that you let it out. As soon as anger is fed, it is dead but starving it makes it fat. It is even more crucial that we know how to let it out.
Stay away from immature anger! Shouting will most probably terrify the other person or just make him tone deaf; and what is said or done during that shall not be on record because it was said or done in anger & most of the time it has little influence to a solution. Crying may sure create some attention for you & things may go your way but this way of anger will not solve your problems. Things will go your way for hours/days & chances are the problem will transpire again because you were not understood but only felt pity for.
“The intoxication of anger, like that of grapes shows us to others but hides us from ourselves”
Anger will decrease your chances of learning & personal growth in general. People will close down on you, say & do all the things you are comfortable with because they’ll be cautious of saying or doing new things that might trigger your anger. Friends may let you be because they cautious of stepping into your anger zone; and those who don’t have time for that may just cut you out of their lives. Men may run away because immature anger is one of the signs of emotional challenged individual. Those men looking for a prey might stick around just to get you angrier and stay a victim to them.
Ladies, I challenge you all today to take control of your anger. When you are angry, you are powerless. They say, he who angers you conquers you. Instead of wasting your energies in being angry; why don’t you invest them in pulling your senses together & strive to be understood. Don’t forget to understand too to be understood – it’s a two way street.
Stay Powerful!
Tamara Booi
Monday, September 6, 2010
Go where there is no path & leave a trail!
Often we so attracted to familiar things – famous professions, tackling same concepts, on roads that have been travelled & discusing topics that are exhausted. I am not sure if this is because it is easier to do ‘corrections’ on someone else’s work? Perhaps we need some mind triggers to get ground work? Or we are just too lazy & enjoy the thrill of clustered competition? Maybe we are just simple followers rather than innovators!
Is the fact that society reserved a second place for us than that of men making us to think every area of our lives should be a copy? Or is it by chance that you find yourself thinking about what has been thought of? Doing what has been done!
It is possible that your passion is in motivational speaking, but are you going to talk about HIV & AIDS as well? What will make you stand out? Following where you think the path may lead might not necessarily land you there. It may land you on an island in the middle of no where and as a follower you may fail because chances are - you won’t be seeing any footsteps to follow. On the other hand, an innovator on the island will meet another opportunity & run with it.
Same thing happens to the way we dress. Fashion TV is there to be watched & fashion magazines are there to advertise current styles and trends. Celebrities are on the job & have to keep up with it. You cannot be dressing up like lady Gaga but want people to see you like Carol Bauwer. Lady Gaga will always pull-off her fashion sense under any circumstances because she’s got a vision behind it that you don’t know about. Who you are and the type of personality you want to portray should be your number one fashion style.
We always land on the same ‘following’ trap in relationships too. Some men get top ratings from ladies & get considered for a date simply because of their past relationship partners – “He used to date Basetsana Kumalo” - you’d hear us say; forgetting that Basetsana’s requirements for a partner may not be necessarily the same as yours.
Another danger that I find with most ladies in relationships is that they conduct their affairs following other people’s visions. Women always complain about similar issues in relationships to a point where they even conclude that their situations are the same. I believe that we all want different things from relationships; they may be similar but can never be the same. You might not be bothered by a man who does ballet dancing for example; probably you met him at ballet classes & fell in love with him. However, the fact that society does not recognise men doing ballet & men playing rugby the same suddenly makes you hate what you initially loved about your man. This immediately creates confusion for you because you immediately focus in what people don’t like about him to a point that you living past what you personally loved. In worst cases females even sacrifice their happiness in relationships & block true love from their men as long as society is happy about the picture they see of them together.
The fact that your girlfriend’s man holds her hand in public does not necessary mean your man loves you any less if he does not do the same. Maybe recognise what type of a relationship you are in & if it’s not the type of romance you’d like – move on; and if you are married – you have made your choice, you should have identified this as important to you & made sure that you get a man like that. It’s normal to like small romantic gestures from other couples but you need to be mindful of what works for you and your man – don’t lose focus. Things get even difficult where it’s only you who doesn’t ‘hold hands’ in your circle of friends but as an innovator – this will assure you that you are indeed different from the rest but as a follower – you’ll get frustrated & start wanting what is not in your chosen menu. The art of getting someone to do what you want them to do is because they wanted to do it.
Differentiating yourself from the rest leaves a trail. Similar people are recognised by their groups because they blend together; but a distinct person is always remembered as an individual – that’s what I call leaving a trail.
Until next time – stay different!
Tamara Booi
Is the fact that society reserved a second place for us than that of men making us to think every area of our lives should be a copy? Or is it by chance that you find yourself thinking about what has been thought of? Doing what has been done!
It is possible that your passion is in motivational speaking, but are you going to talk about HIV & AIDS as well? What will make you stand out? Following where you think the path may lead might not necessarily land you there. It may land you on an island in the middle of no where and as a follower you may fail because chances are - you won’t be seeing any footsteps to follow. On the other hand, an innovator on the island will meet another opportunity & run with it.
Same thing happens to the way we dress. Fashion TV is there to be watched & fashion magazines are there to advertise current styles and trends. Celebrities are on the job & have to keep up with it. You cannot be dressing up like lady Gaga but want people to see you like Carol Bauwer. Lady Gaga will always pull-off her fashion sense under any circumstances because she’s got a vision behind it that you don’t know about. Who you are and the type of personality you want to portray should be your number one fashion style.
We always land on the same ‘following’ trap in relationships too. Some men get top ratings from ladies & get considered for a date simply because of their past relationship partners – “He used to date Basetsana Kumalo” - you’d hear us say; forgetting that Basetsana’s requirements for a partner may not be necessarily the same as yours.
Another danger that I find with most ladies in relationships is that they conduct their affairs following other people’s visions. Women always complain about similar issues in relationships to a point where they even conclude that their situations are the same. I believe that we all want different things from relationships; they may be similar but can never be the same. You might not be bothered by a man who does ballet dancing for example; probably you met him at ballet classes & fell in love with him. However, the fact that society does not recognise men doing ballet & men playing rugby the same suddenly makes you hate what you initially loved about your man. This immediately creates confusion for you because you immediately focus in what people don’t like about him to a point that you living past what you personally loved. In worst cases females even sacrifice their happiness in relationships & block true love from their men as long as society is happy about the picture they see of them together.
The fact that your girlfriend’s man holds her hand in public does not necessary mean your man loves you any less if he does not do the same. Maybe recognise what type of a relationship you are in & if it’s not the type of romance you’d like – move on; and if you are married – you have made your choice, you should have identified this as important to you & made sure that you get a man like that. It’s normal to like small romantic gestures from other couples but you need to be mindful of what works for you and your man – don’t lose focus. Things get even difficult where it’s only you who doesn’t ‘hold hands’ in your circle of friends but as an innovator – this will assure you that you are indeed different from the rest but as a follower – you’ll get frustrated & start wanting what is not in your chosen menu. The art of getting someone to do what you want them to do is because they wanted to do it.
Differentiating yourself from the rest leaves a trail. Similar people are recognised by their groups because they blend together; but a distinct person is always remembered as an individual – that’s what I call leaving a trail.
Until next time – stay different!
Tamara Booi
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Good Character or Good Reputation?
Lately I have been coming across a lot of inspiring prominent South African women who have appalling characters. This for me; takes everything away from them because I personally do not believe that these two qualities can authentically exist without the other. Obviously I realize this is debatable – which is why I’m writing about it.
There is a saying that goes “A good name will shine forever” People further support this by believing that your name and who you are (status) will speak for you, open life doors for you & who cares about your character! Females once again are more likely the ones to lose characters as they climb higher – I’m yet to find out why. Women are being exposed to awesome opportunities but are penetrating slowly because they concentrate on carrying high reputations more and are dropping good characters on the way.
It is very sad when you realize that our sisters are willing to sacrifice their good characters just to have a high profiled man. A man that will give her status; take her to high profiled events to middle with high profiled people. I am a woman who believes in grabbing every opportunity coming your way. If the above is by all means an opportunity for you towards your dream – grab it, but please take your values with!
Sisters would even lose memory of those they used to hang out with! They will be on some “Do I know you” “You look very familiar” “I can’t hear you, I’ll call you back”. I know ladies who come from the bucolic side of their towns who all of a sudden come from the big cities. This clearly implies that your high class reputation cannot be associated with rural areas. Ironically though; those rural areas were able to raise a character that was able to go to the world and conquer. All that is expected of the conqueror was to nurture that instilled character and put the village name on the map.
Your reputation is so heavy in your mouth that you can’t even say hello to the person next to you.
I admire the likes of Nkhensani Nkosi; Khanyi Dhlomo who are doing very well for themselves but have their feet firm on the ground.
I can’t say much about a good reputation because I believe that reputation is for the world to see & for one to be fulfilled but; a good character keeps one grounded & is what the unseen world sees.
I accept that certain lifestyles, life interests, friends may shape towards your current status but; I totally do not agree with the change in primary values especially the value of Ubuntu.
To a certain degree the world is becoming “who can do what for me” – understandably so because they say you are likely to become like those you surround yourself with. However; I believe that a sustainable reputation should stand on a concrete base of good character. A reputation is fragile; but a character will stand the test of time.
Abraham Lincoln once wrote – “Character is the tree & Reputation is the shadow”! Our character is not what we do to show others, it is what we constantly do even when the world is asleep. Everyone has a character – people sometimes thing a person either has or doesn’t have character; you’d often hear them say “She has a character”. It is either bad or good, but everyone has a character. It is in one’s religion, personality, values and beliefs.
In my opinion therefore; she who loses those characteristics of a good character over a life shade called reputation is lost!
Most of us ladies do not understand the significance of good character; we are on the chase for good reputations to a point that we live past our good characters. Forgetting that a good character is a foundation of true success; you might have money, position or power but if you have a bad character – I personally do not consider you truly successful.
A bad character can actually damage good relationships in your life, even have a negative impact on those you consider reputable in your life. A bad character influences your responses towards life; which may lead to you taking bad decisions on good opportunities.
I believe that a good character determines one’s response regardless of the circumstances!
Ladies, is it more important that we focus on building our good reputations more than we do for our characters?
Tamara Booi
There is a saying that goes “A good name will shine forever” People further support this by believing that your name and who you are (status) will speak for you, open life doors for you & who cares about your character! Females once again are more likely the ones to lose characters as they climb higher – I’m yet to find out why. Women are being exposed to awesome opportunities but are penetrating slowly because they concentrate on carrying high reputations more and are dropping good characters on the way.
It is very sad when you realize that our sisters are willing to sacrifice their good characters just to have a high profiled man. A man that will give her status; take her to high profiled events to middle with high profiled people. I am a woman who believes in grabbing every opportunity coming your way. If the above is by all means an opportunity for you towards your dream – grab it, but please take your values with!
Sisters would even lose memory of those they used to hang out with! They will be on some “Do I know you” “You look very familiar” “I can’t hear you, I’ll call you back”. I know ladies who come from the bucolic side of their towns who all of a sudden come from the big cities. This clearly implies that your high class reputation cannot be associated with rural areas. Ironically though; those rural areas were able to raise a character that was able to go to the world and conquer. All that is expected of the conqueror was to nurture that instilled character and put the village name on the map.
Your reputation is so heavy in your mouth that you can’t even say hello to the person next to you.
I admire the likes of Nkhensani Nkosi; Khanyi Dhlomo who are doing very well for themselves but have their feet firm on the ground.
I can’t say much about a good reputation because I believe that reputation is for the world to see & for one to be fulfilled but; a good character keeps one grounded & is what the unseen world sees.
I accept that certain lifestyles, life interests, friends may shape towards your current status but; I totally do not agree with the change in primary values especially the value of Ubuntu.
To a certain degree the world is becoming “who can do what for me” – understandably so because they say you are likely to become like those you surround yourself with. However; I believe that a sustainable reputation should stand on a concrete base of good character. A reputation is fragile; but a character will stand the test of time.
Abraham Lincoln once wrote – “Character is the tree & Reputation is the shadow”! Our character is not what we do to show others, it is what we constantly do even when the world is asleep. Everyone has a character – people sometimes thing a person either has or doesn’t have character; you’d often hear them say “She has a character”. It is either bad or good, but everyone has a character. It is in one’s religion, personality, values and beliefs.
In my opinion therefore; she who loses those characteristics of a good character over a life shade called reputation is lost!
Most of us ladies do not understand the significance of good character; we are on the chase for good reputations to a point that we live past our good characters. Forgetting that a good character is a foundation of true success; you might have money, position or power but if you have a bad character – I personally do not consider you truly successful.
A bad character can actually damage good relationships in your life, even have a negative impact on those you consider reputable in your life. A bad character influences your responses towards life; which may lead to you taking bad decisions on good opportunities.
I believe that a good character determines one’s response regardless of the circumstances!
Ladies, is it more important that we focus on building our good reputations more than we do for our characters?
Tamara Booi
Monday, August 23, 2010
Uncover your purpose!
Are you independent; educated; have a partner who adores you & a family who loves you the most but still vacant inside?
People often say successful, single and independent women are empty within as they need a partner to fill that hole in their souls. Opinions further claim that housewives in wealthy marriages are also empty inside as their emotional needs are generally not met. To some degree these opinions can be true but I have got a different view on this.
I am yet to meet a driven career woman who is filled by just having a partner by her side; or a housewife that is filled by emotional security having no clue on how she will pay her household bills!
Ladies; we are all on earth to serve a purpose and every single individual has got a unique purpose in life. If being single and career driven is what you enjoy – it is probably your purpose - recognize that and embrace it. The same goes for those that enjoy being at home, raising kids & running their homes. Do not get confused by what people think should be your purpose; only you knows what you really enjoy doing.
Knowing your purpose can eliminate a lot of bad relationships and can decrease the high divorce rates. It can also boost the level of service in our country & the quality of expertise in many industries. Just because your friend is an advocate & you’ve got the means to go and get that profession does not necessary mean you will make it as an advocate – because it’s not your purpose. You can be the worst advocate in town & add to a list of qualified infertile advocates in our country.
Our parents taught most of us that marriage is a reputable goal for every woman; and I agree. However, what most left out is the ability to choose a marriage that you will best serve. What are you saying now Tamara? A career driven woman may not best serve an emotionally empty partner. Marriage for these two might be difficult to maintain as individual needs may not be fully met. For a career woman; it may always be about the bigger picture – how much they can achieve in life & the kind of lifestyle they can enjoy. For a poignant 8-5 partner in this scenario; the world cannot move on without the inner satisfaction desired by the heart. Now, would you be serving this marriage best? I don’t think so – as you would be trying to serve someone else’s purpose. One would say it’s all about compromise, but you can be able to efficiently exercise compromise on a solid foundation - where both parties share similar goals. In my opinion; even those who are serving their purpose in their partnerships will have to compromise somehow but compromise may be rather difficult where one doesn't even relate to why he/she's being compromised.
Society has got all the opinions on what a woman is suppose to do & how, break that stereo-type and discover your true purpose. Know what you like, do it & enjoy the fruits that come with that; because you can only excel when you are doing what you enjoy. You were created to serve a certain purpose; just because it’s so unique from those of your peers does not necessary mean it is wrong.
You might be constantly failing on your personal growth, career & relationships just because you are busy trying to be someone you are not. Unleash who you truly are and start living accordingly!
Tamara Booi
People often say successful, single and independent women are empty within as they need a partner to fill that hole in their souls. Opinions further claim that housewives in wealthy marriages are also empty inside as their emotional needs are generally not met. To some degree these opinions can be true but I have got a different view on this.
I am yet to meet a driven career woman who is filled by just having a partner by her side; or a housewife that is filled by emotional security having no clue on how she will pay her household bills!
Ladies; we are all on earth to serve a purpose and every single individual has got a unique purpose in life. If being single and career driven is what you enjoy – it is probably your purpose - recognize that and embrace it. The same goes for those that enjoy being at home, raising kids & running their homes. Do not get confused by what people think should be your purpose; only you knows what you really enjoy doing.
Knowing your purpose can eliminate a lot of bad relationships and can decrease the high divorce rates. It can also boost the level of service in our country & the quality of expertise in many industries. Just because your friend is an advocate & you’ve got the means to go and get that profession does not necessary mean you will make it as an advocate – because it’s not your purpose. You can be the worst advocate in town & add to a list of qualified infertile advocates in our country.
Our parents taught most of us that marriage is a reputable goal for every woman; and I agree. However, what most left out is the ability to choose a marriage that you will best serve. What are you saying now Tamara? A career driven woman may not best serve an emotionally empty partner. Marriage for these two might be difficult to maintain as individual needs may not be fully met. For a career woman; it may always be about the bigger picture – how much they can achieve in life & the kind of lifestyle they can enjoy. For a poignant 8-5 partner in this scenario; the world cannot move on without the inner satisfaction desired by the heart. Now, would you be serving this marriage best? I don’t think so – as you would be trying to serve someone else’s purpose. One would say it’s all about compromise, but you can be able to efficiently exercise compromise on a solid foundation - where both parties share similar goals. In my opinion; even those who are serving their purpose in their partnerships will have to compromise somehow but compromise may be rather difficult where one doesn't even relate to why he/she's being compromised.
Society has got all the opinions on what a woman is suppose to do & how, break that stereo-type and discover your true purpose. Know what you like, do it & enjoy the fruits that come with that; because you can only excel when you are doing what you enjoy. You were created to serve a certain purpose; just because it’s so unique from those of your peers does not necessary mean it is wrong.
You might be constantly failing on your personal growth, career & relationships just because you are busy trying to be someone you are not. Unleash who you truly are and start living accordingly!
Tamara Booi
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Avoid having too much Spare Time!
Every human being needs a ‘do without’ time every now and then; but too much of it can result in some evil spirits such as: boredom, vice, immorality & need.
Ladies, this is one of the hazards towards our mental health and personal growth. Give your body the rest it requires but the minute you feel you are knocking at “wonderland’s” door you should know that you are bored. Boredom can make you do a lot of foolish things – like phoning your ex’s; stalking your partner & even stalking other women’s partners. According to SAP stats, boredom is also counted amongst results for crime by young people. It is also mentioned in stats of infidelity in relationships.
Too much spare time may also be a result of your comfort in what you know. You don’t feel the need to know more; which may result in you staying junior – psychologically & intellectually.
It is also alleged that too much spare time result in immorality. Behaviors like sexual obsession; excessive masturbation; rape; sexual illusion; wickedness & dishonesty.
Lastly; the most common evil spirit in women resulted from too much spare time is feeling needy. This has damaged a lot of good relationships that most women have. Do you always feel that your partner has to be with you all the time? Do you always get frustrated if your man wants to go & do things without you? Do you always notice & complain about petty faults in your relationship? Do you always want to be called, assured that you are loved, notice the difference between 17h30 and 17h35? Are you always available?
Ladies; it is important that a woman has an agenda for every single day. Even if you park by the beach & have ice-cream by yourself. Women turn to think that at 5 o’clock its when our mental activities stop. We have got so much talents that we don’t know about because we busy thinking that other people are suppose to complete us.
Take on a new sport; join a book club; take lessons on a different language; go for cooking lessons; figure out your other talents; be active at your church & a whole lot of other things that may interest you. Fill up your schedule with exciting activities. Break the work-home-eat-sleep routine!
You will be amazed how this will create a satisfying feeling of self ownership and having to sleep knowing where you invested your daily time. Your comments on the social networks will be about what you’ve done or learnt for the day & less of what you are wearing & how sleepy you feel. You will also realize how attractive you are...all of a sudden... An unavailable woman increases the urge to chase in men.
When you do find those things that interests you; be ready to be stingy with your time. Some people who still have too much spare time can make you lose focus; do not tolerate mediocrity. Tolerating mediocrity in others increases the mediocrity in you. Learn to say “no”; practice saying “I will have to meet you after my choir practice”. If one really wants to see you, he will respect your time. The way we are so needy of other people especially men; it’s like they going out of fashion; need to get them while stock last. Forgetting that men don’t lose sight of their attraction; if you are the one he will sure be at the gate waiting for you after your hockey practice.
Stop the nag & Get busy!
Tamara Booi
Ladies, this is one of the hazards towards our mental health and personal growth. Give your body the rest it requires but the minute you feel you are knocking at “wonderland’s” door you should know that you are bored. Boredom can make you do a lot of foolish things – like phoning your ex’s; stalking your partner & even stalking other women’s partners. According to SAP stats, boredom is also counted amongst results for crime by young people. It is also mentioned in stats of infidelity in relationships.
Too much spare time may also be a result of your comfort in what you know. You don’t feel the need to know more; which may result in you staying junior – psychologically & intellectually.
It is also alleged that too much spare time result in immorality. Behaviors like sexual obsession; excessive masturbation; rape; sexual illusion; wickedness & dishonesty.
Lastly; the most common evil spirit in women resulted from too much spare time is feeling needy. This has damaged a lot of good relationships that most women have. Do you always feel that your partner has to be with you all the time? Do you always get frustrated if your man wants to go & do things without you? Do you always notice & complain about petty faults in your relationship? Do you always want to be called, assured that you are loved, notice the difference between 17h30 and 17h35? Are you always available?
Ladies; it is important that a woman has an agenda for every single day. Even if you park by the beach & have ice-cream by yourself. Women turn to think that at 5 o’clock its when our mental activities stop. We have got so much talents that we don’t know about because we busy thinking that other people are suppose to complete us.
Take on a new sport; join a book club; take lessons on a different language; go for cooking lessons; figure out your other talents; be active at your church & a whole lot of other things that may interest you. Fill up your schedule with exciting activities. Break the work-home-eat-sleep routine!
You will be amazed how this will create a satisfying feeling of self ownership and having to sleep knowing where you invested your daily time. Your comments on the social networks will be about what you’ve done or learnt for the day & less of what you are wearing & how sleepy you feel. You will also realize how attractive you are...all of a sudden... An unavailable woman increases the urge to chase in men.
When you do find those things that interests you; be ready to be stingy with your time. Some people who still have too much spare time can make you lose focus; do not tolerate mediocrity. Tolerating mediocrity in others increases the mediocrity in you. Learn to say “no”; practice saying “I will have to meet you after my choir practice”. If one really wants to see you, he will respect your time. The way we are so needy of other people especially men; it’s like they going out of fashion; need to get them while stock last. Forgetting that men don’t lose sight of their attraction; if you are the one he will sure be at the gate waiting for you after your hockey practice.
Stop the nag & Get busy!
Tamara Booi
Monday, August 16, 2010
Future in the Stars but Feet on the Ground!
We run a very busy life – some are juggling more than one job; we have hectic schedules and tight dead-lines. Somehow we do manage to find time and catch-up with ourselves - like weekends away with loved ones; weekends at home playing with the kids; girls’ nights out with friends. However; are we putting enough efforts in nurturing our roots?
When was the last time you went home to your parents just to pay a visit? You may be lucky enough to be able to support your parents financially every month; but the last time you laid eyes on them was two years ago. You might be married; and yes your primary role is to be there for your immediate family but do you know what your mother ate last night? You may be calling your parents every time you hit a rough patch or require financial assistance but do you ever call or visit just to listen to their problems?
When was the last time you shared a simple birthday cake with your parents? It may sound ridiculous to book a JHB-EL flight just to share a birthday cake with your parents. However; no price of any flight will ever match-up to such fulfillment nor erase those beautiful memories. You are probably busy this year, like any other year planning to go and spend Christmas with your family but that trip overseas will take first preference again!
It is simpler to just invite your parents to your lovely home rather than going to them and having to adjust. However; I believe having your foot home on your ancestry soil is what keeps you grounded. Having to watch those kids running up & down the streets, making tea for every neighbor coming in, the tranquil, even the ordinary cooked meals are what make you appreciate life even more. They give you endurance to come back and strive for more.
The unfortunate by-product of life is that we are not given a chance to restore what has conceded. The years you are allowing to pass with your feet in the air may be the best years of your life with family. Make time for your family & be blessed. Encourage your spouse to do the same because if he’s direction-less where this is concerned – that makes the two of you!
Make that future shine with the stars; but it might be wise that your feet remain on the ground.
Tamara Booi
When was the last time you went home to your parents just to pay a visit? You may be lucky enough to be able to support your parents financially every month; but the last time you laid eyes on them was two years ago. You might be married; and yes your primary role is to be there for your immediate family but do you know what your mother ate last night? You may be calling your parents every time you hit a rough patch or require financial assistance but do you ever call or visit just to listen to their problems?
When was the last time you shared a simple birthday cake with your parents? It may sound ridiculous to book a JHB-EL flight just to share a birthday cake with your parents. However; no price of any flight will ever match-up to such fulfillment nor erase those beautiful memories. You are probably busy this year, like any other year planning to go and spend Christmas with your family but that trip overseas will take first preference again!
It is simpler to just invite your parents to your lovely home rather than going to them and having to adjust. However; I believe having your foot home on your ancestry soil is what keeps you grounded. Having to watch those kids running up & down the streets, making tea for every neighbor coming in, the tranquil, even the ordinary cooked meals are what make you appreciate life even more. They give you endurance to come back and strive for more.
The unfortunate by-product of life is that we are not given a chance to restore what has conceded. The years you are allowing to pass with your feet in the air may be the best years of your life with family. Make time for your family & be blessed. Encourage your spouse to do the same because if he’s direction-less where this is concerned – that makes the two of you!
Make that future shine with the stars; but it might be wise that your feet remain on the ground.
Tamara Booi
Friday, August 6, 2010
The Power of Money!
I don’t think there is one person on earth who does not like money; understandably so because it really is part of our daily lives. The food we eat, clothes we wear, roofs over our heads & a whole lot of other things are possible with money.
I am happy that a lot of women today understand that money is important in our lives and are working hard in making it. This is making us – the current generation stand out from the past generations that had no basis to understand the power of money.
Having worshiped money above; I have realized that it has got so much power to an extent that one would lose her values/beliefs/standards over it. I am bringing this topic on a women's blog because based on my findings – females are the ones who are likely to lose themselves for money. Some of the reasons behind this “loss of self” by women are justified; but is it how it should be or we just don’t care much about our principles. One friend of mine once said to me “Principles don’t pay bills”.
Do you find that you were raised in a certain way but are living differently all in the name of money? Are you sleeping with a man that you don’t even know the color of his eyes because you can’t even look at him – you are just “on a job” with him? Another woman I know once said – “How disgusting is an old flabby man with veins on top you – you feel like throwing up!” She clearly did not like the picture she created for her eyes; but it was taking care of her chosen lifestyle for sure.
Women are stuck in unloving, abusive relationships because the men in power are making their lives easier with money. Wives are happy with marriages with little or no respect & their men are getting away with bad behavior as they ‘pay’ their ways around. You are being cheated on repeatedly by your partner with little or no remorse for it & money is fixing this for you. You constantly in receipt of foul talks that are brushed-off with what you need - Money.
Are we so caught up in material things to a point that our morals & integrity are meaningless to us? Is enjoying someone else's money more important than your health? You will sure get this comfortable lifestyle but it will be accompanied by diseases.
You are probably a product of single parenting but you are willing to conceive a married man’s child because of money – SAD.
Ladies; men's power lies with money but ours is in values. If you lose your values you are nothing as a woman, it does not matter how much money you make. You might even end up being nothing to the man you are willing to lose them for!
Understand your self-worth, demand respect, and insist on a healthy lifestyle. View money as a blessing on you & thank your God for it.
Let no man steal Power from you!
Tamara Booi
I am happy that a lot of women today understand that money is important in our lives and are working hard in making it. This is making us – the current generation stand out from the past generations that had no basis to understand the power of money.
Having worshiped money above; I have realized that it has got so much power to an extent that one would lose her values/beliefs/standards over it. I am bringing this topic on a women's blog because based on my findings – females are the ones who are likely to lose themselves for money. Some of the reasons behind this “loss of self” by women are justified; but is it how it should be or we just don’t care much about our principles. One friend of mine once said to me “Principles don’t pay bills”.
Do you find that you were raised in a certain way but are living differently all in the name of money? Are you sleeping with a man that you don’t even know the color of his eyes because you can’t even look at him – you are just “on a job” with him? Another woman I know once said – “How disgusting is an old flabby man with veins on top you – you feel like throwing up!” She clearly did not like the picture she created for her eyes; but it was taking care of her chosen lifestyle for sure.
Women are stuck in unloving, abusive relationships because the men in power are making their lives easier with money. Wives are happy with marriages with little or no respect & their men are getting away with bad behavior as they ‘pay’ their ways around. You are being cheated on repeatedly by your partner with little or no remorse for it & money is fixing this for you. You constantly in receipt of foul talks that are brushed-off with what you need - Money.
Are we so caught up in material things to a point that our morals & integrity are meaningless to us? Is enjoying someone else's money more important than your health? You will sure get this comfortable lifestyle but it will be accompanied by diseases.
You are probably a product of single parenting but you are willing to conceive a married man’s child because of money – SAD.
Ladies; men's power lies with money but ours is in values. If you lose your values you are nothing as a woman, it does not matter how much money you make. You might even end up being nothing to the man you are willing to lose them for!
Understand your self-worth, demand respect, and insist on a healthy lifestyle. View money as a blessing on you & thank your God for it.
Let no man steal Power from you!
Tamara Booi
Monday, August 2, 2010
Who's stepping on who's toes?
Mother in-law or Daughter in-law?
This relationship ranks amongst the most difficult relationships to maintain. In most cases this relationship gets sour as the two parties get to know each other but recently; these two just don’t get along from the word go. The stories I hear from married women about their relationships with their Mother-in-laws are alarming. 95% of married women I meet tell negative stories about their mother in-laws.
I believe that there is a root for each problem and to treat a symptom you need to know the cause – who is stepping on whose toes?
All relationships have individual dynamics; they break and are recovered, they get lost & are reformed. However, this particular one seems not to shape in a similar manner. One woman said to me that her mother in-law hates her to a point that when one enters the room the other leaves! What’s daunting though is the fact that these two women share one thing in common – love for the same man!
This one common factor that these two women share could be the same aspect that can bring about change to this issue. In mathematics, my favorite problem to solve was when certain answers were given (which clearly tells you that I was not that great)i.e. (if z=x-y where x=10 and y=4 what is z + y?). I look at the mother/daughter in-law situation the same way. In order for these two to get along, they need to know and understand their positions/roles first (z) before they can be able to know what to do when & how. When this is done, no one should try and play the other one’s role – it’s not yours!
To the Daughter in-law:
**She is his Mother, you will never be!
**No matter how much you respect your man, if you don’t respect his Mother you will lose out.
**You are not her biological daughter-it’s a fact, don’t look for a biological mother in her-she is your mother in-law! This doesn’t mean she loves you any less.
**Let her ask money from his son, not from you! Would you like it when your Mom is unable to ask money from you – be realistic & selfless?
**Hating your mother in-law is putting the man that you love in a complicated position which will complicate your marriage.
To the Mother in-law:
•She is his Wife, you will never be!
•Hating your son’s choice is a direct reflection on your failure to infuse the proper abilities for him to choose your ideal wife.
•She is trying to build her own family, not to revamp the one you had – know your place.
•Ask for money when you in need. The fact that you raised him doesn’t mean he owes you his life back, you are his mother, you HAD to – he did not ask to be born.
•Stay away until you are asked to help & when your help is requested, try and help the marriage not your son.
Ladies, are we playing our roles in this saga, or are we busy rapped around the other party’s roles? Do we want this relationship to work or is it a recurring virus – “it never worked for our parents; it cannot work for us” kind of situation?
Tamara Booi
This relationship ranks amongst the most difficult relationships to maintain. In most cases this relationship gets sour as the two parties get to know each other but recently; these two just don’t get along from the word go. The stories I hear from married women about their relationships with their Mother-in-laws are alarming. 95% of married women I meet tell negative stories about their mother in-laws.
I believe that there is a root for each problem and to treat a symptom you need to know the cause – who is stepping on whose toes?
All relationships have individual dynamics; they break and are recovered, they get lost & are reformed. However, this particular one seems not to shape in a similar manner. One woman said to me that her mother in-law hates her to a point that when one enters the room the other leaves! What’s daunting though is the fact that these two women share one thing in common – love for the same man!
This one common factor that these two women share could be the same aspect that can bring about change to this issue. In mathematics, my favorite problem to solve was when certain answers were given (which clearly tells you that I was not that great)i.e. (if z=x-y where x=10 and y=4 what is z + y?). I look at the mother/daughter in-law situation the same way. In order for these two to get along, they need to know and understand their positions/roles first (z) before they can be able to know what to do when & how. When this is done, no one should try and play the other one’s role – it’s not yours!
To the Daughter in-law:
**She is his Mother, you will never be!
**No matter how much you respect your man, if you don’t respect his Mother you will lose out.
**You are not her biological daughter-it’s a fact, don’t look for a biological mother in her-she is your mother in-law! This doesn’t mean she loves you any less.
**Let her ask money from his son, not from you! Would you like it when your Mom is unable to ask money from you – be realistic & selfless?
**Hating your mother in-law is putting the man that you love in a complicated position which will complicate your marriage.
To the Mother in-law:
•She is his Wife, you will never be!
•Hating your son’s choice is a direct reflection on your failure to infuse the proper abilities for him to choose your ideal wife.
•She is trying to build her own family, not to revamp the one you had – know your place.
•Ask for money when you in need. The fact that you raised him doesn’t mean he owes you his life back, you are his mother, you HAD to – he did not ask to be born.
•Stay away until you are asked to help & when your help is requested, try and help the marriage not your son.
Ladies, are we playing our roles in this saga, or are we busy rapped around the other party’s roles? Do we want this relationship to work or is it a recurring virus – “it never worked for our parents; it cannot work for us” kind of situation?
Tamara Booi
Thursday, July 29, 2010
“Go to school and get a good job!”
Those were the words that most black kids would hear from their determined parents. This did not matter how illiterate the parents were, the common goal within the black culture was to send children to school so that they can get good jobs. This worked significantly well as black people hold a large portion of qualified South Africans to date.
In my opinion this approach created a narrow airfield for the black and left the group with a huge challenge; a challenge of lack of responsibility and fear of ownership. With the young democracy of our country; things are gradually moving towards equality amongst all races. However; many qualified blacks are still found in ‘good’ jobs as ‘good’ employees. Some of those who make it to start their own businesses; for obvious reasons – they fall-short. This shall continue for as long as we can wake up & identify the core problem.
White kids are taught the importance of ownership from a very young age; and therefore they grow up mindful of the fact that in whatever they do in the end it should be their own. Yes, our parents had no basis to instil ownership on us back then but now we have the opportunity to grow our kids in this fashion. Our past circumstances required us to go work and get a salary. Somehow we got so comfortable in this to a point where we allowed ourselves to be ruled by fear. A black person would fear the simplest of responsibilities - A lady I used to work with had to lock-up the office the other day, the boss had to leave early on the day & she was asked to lock-up & open the office the next morning. “Yho” was the first word out of her mouth; “why doesn’t he give the keys to Susan” she asked. The thought that the entire office was dependant on her to open-up the office was a huge responsibility to her and fear took over.
Another factor that goes hand-in-hand with responsibility and ownership is our consciousness on money. The fact that we were poor has affected how we value ourselves. It might be challenging to completely change things around for the current generation but we need to familiarize our kids with cash; so that they understand that a mere 10 000 rand can never sustain a family of four! A Cape Town business man said to me the other day; white kids accompany their fathers to business meetings. When they get to hold their own business meetings, they clearly understand the tactics & language used at the boardroom just by sitting there & listening. Your father, for obvious reasons could not do that; but you can.
In my understanding; an interview is a meeting where both parties get the opportunity to meet each other in person and discuss how they can help each other out. Usually; the employer will explain to the candidate the type of employee he’s looking for, the duties, requirements & how much he’s willing to spend on the position. A black child immediately thinks and states all facts equivalent to the job spec. The mind-set is obviously on getting the ‘good’ job. On the other hand; a white kid gets interviewed for the same job & he says – “I like the job but the salary is too little; you see I will need to pay my car, apartment, be able to take my girlfriend out at least once a week & also save”. Taking care of your family might be an unfair thing for you as a child but it is one of your responsibilities! Tell the employer during the interview that you have to send money home to your family every month – don’t be ashamed of that. If you feel like this is rather too late for you to do; make sure that your kids are not affected with your inability to value yourself.
Sense of ownership does not depend entirely on our history; a huge factor comes from the way you were raised and your family environment where ownership is concerned. Instilling ownership & responsibility on your children does not end with owning your own business only. It goes further to having responsibility for your own belongings; ownership for your own life and your own destiny.
How about we revise the title of this article and say: “Go to school and enhance your competence”
Tamara Booi
In my opinion this approach created a narrow airfield for the black and left the group with a huge challenge; a challenge of lack of responsibility and fear of ownership. With the young democracy of our country; things are gradually moving towards equality amongst all races. However; many qualified blacks are still found in ‘good’ jobs as ‘good’ employees. Some of those who make it to start their own businesses; for obvious reasons – they fall-short. This shall continue for as long as we can wake up & identify the core problem.
White kids are taught the importance of ownership from a very young age; and therefore they grow up mindful of the fact that in whatever they do in the end it should be their own. Yes, our parents had no basis to instil ownership on us back then but now we have the opportunity to grow our kids in this fashion. Our past circumstances required us to go work and get a salary. Somehow we got so comfortable in this to a point where we allowed ourselves to be ruled by fear. A black person would fear the simplest of responsibilities - A lady I used to work with had to lock-up the office the other day, the boss had to leave early on the day & she was asked to lock-up & open the office the next morning. “Yho” was the first word out of her mouth; “why doesn’t he give the keys to Susan” she asked. The thought that the entire office was dependant on her to open-up the office was a huge responsibility to her and fear took over.
Another factor that goes hand-in-hand with responsibility and ownership is our consciousness on money. The fact that we were poor has affected how we value ourselves. It might be challenging to completely change things around for the current generation but we need to familiarize our kids with cash; so that they understand that a mere 10 000 rand can never sustain a family of four! A Cape Town business man said to me the other day; white kids accompany their fathers to business meetings. When they get to hold their own business meetings, they clearly understand the tactics & language used at the boardroom just by sitting there & listening. Your father, for obvious reasons could not do that; but you can.
In my understanding; an interview is a meeting where both parties get the opportunity to meet each other in person and discuss how they can help each other out. Usually; the employer will explain to the candidate the type of employee he’s looking for, the duties, requirements & how much he’s willing to spend on the position. A black child immediately thinks and states all facts equivalent to the job spec. The mind-set is obviously on getting the ‘good’ job. On the other hand; a white kid gets interviewed for the same job & he says – “I like the job but the salary is too little; you see I will need to pay my car, apartment, be able to take my girlfriend out at least once a week & also save”. Taking care of your family might be an unfair thing for you as a child but it is one of your responsibilities! Tell the employer during the interview that you have to send money home to your family every month – don’t be ashamed of that. If you feel like this is rather too late for you to do; make sure that your kids are not affected with your inability to value yourself.
Sense of ownership does not depend entirely on our history; a huge factor comes from the way you were raised and your family environment where ownership is concerned. Instilling ownership & responsibility on your children does not end with owning your own business only. It goes further to having responsibility for your own belongings; ownership for your own life and your own destiny.
How about we revise the title of this article and say: “Go to school and enhance your competence”
Tamara Booi
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
"I blame it all on the Daddies"
Parenting is one of the underrated difficult professions; we all have our unique opinions on it- the how’s & when’s but one can never be sure of the final product.
As a follower of the TV program on SABC 1 – Khumbulekhaya; I realized that there are a lot of unstable souls out there & mainly resulted from unstable homes or unstable parents. Relationships are hard and people nowadays are moving so quickly away from sacrificing their own happiness for the stability of their own homes & psychological health of their children. I am also a firm believer of mutual happiness in relationships or marriage but I get confused when I think of a situation whereby my happiness could, for some reason require me to be without the father of my child. Can parents really win? Or do we just take decisions and hope for the best?
Although this is a collective responsibility for both parents; it is evident that the most blamed parent for a failed relationship/marriage is the father. Most kids continue to blame their fathers for leaving them until the ages where they are grown up & understands; and some just never understands! Is it a natural instinct- as mothers were the carriers, or does the major responsibility really lies with the fathers? Things were even worse back in the days as daddies would simple forget that they even fathered a child somewhere. I salute the men of our century as they strive to keep relations with their children even when they failed keeping their commitments with their mothers.
A few weeks back I found myself in yet another discussion about this topic. I discovered that this issue is so contagious - more than I thought! One way or the other, it affects at least one area of a child’s life. A number of us are affected negatively with this scenario; we turned out to be the worst copy of the actual situation – low self esteem, men/woman haters, relationships/marriage haters, drug users, women/man abusers & non-believers of life in general. A smaller section of us is however affected positively – marriage builders, self coaches, writers, men in relations with their children, woman who are soldiers of happiness in marriage etc. Amongst both sections; I have realised that there is a huge number that is affected unconsciously! In my opinion; the latter group is the one in danger because (1) they don’t even know they’ve got a challenge (2) society deals with ‘seen’ problems i.e. a doctor will heal a sick person... (3) Even when they notice challenges in their lives, they have no substantial evidence of the core. One lady amongst the group that I was with said – I don’t care what you guys say, “I blame it all on the Daddies!” Another observation was; those who are affected positively strangely enough still suffer a lot from internal emotions.
Do you think that ALL children from broken families or single parenting; with or without evident challenges should undergo counseling? I really would like us to stop blaming either of the parents as this is not a clear-cut textbook analogy and try a compulsory solution – a solution that all men-kind can benefit from – rich or poor! Maybe; a request to government to offer a free access to psychologists; only to children who come from the above groups & cannot afford the excessive fee asked by psychologists.
Are you a product of divorce? single parenting? or just don't even know one your parents? How has this affected your life?
Tamara Booi
As a follower of the TV program on SABC 1 – Khumbulekhaya; I realized that there are a lot of unstable souls out there & mainly resulted from unstable homes or unstable parents. Relationships are hard and people nowadays are moving so quickly away from sacrificing their own happiness for the stability of their own homes & psychological health of their children. I am also a firm believer of mutual happiness in relationships or marriage but I get confused when I think of a situation whereby my happiness could, for some reason require me to be without the father of my child. Can parents really win? Or do we just take decisions and hope for the best?
Although this is a collective responsibility for both parents; it is evident that the most blamed parent for a failed relationship/marriage is the father. Most kids continue to blame their fathers for leaving them until the ages where they are grown up & understands; and some just never understands! Is it a natural instinct- as mothers were the carriers, or does the major responsibility really lies with the fathers? Things were even worse back in the days as daddies would simple forget that they even fathered a child somewhere. I salute the men of our century as they strive to keep relations with their children even when they failed keeping their commitments with their mothers.
A few weeks back I found myself in yet another discussion about this topic. I discovered that this issue is so contagious - more than I thought! One way or the other, it affects at least one area of a child’s life. A number of us are affected negatively with this scenario; we turned out to be the worst copy of the actual situation – low self esteem, men/woman haters, relationships/marriage haters, drug users, women/man abusers & non-believers of life in general. A smaller section of us is however affected positively – marriage builders, self coaches, writers, men in relations with their children, woman who are soldiers of happiness in marriage etc. Amongst both sections; I have realised that there is a huge number that is affected unconsciously! In my opinion; the latter group is the one in danger because (1) they don’t even know they’ve got a challenge (2) society deals with ‘seen’ problems i.e. a doctor will heal a sick person... (3) Even when they notice challenges in their lives, they have no substantial evidence of the core. One lady amongst the group that I was with said – I don’t care what you guys say, “I blame it all on the Daddies!” Another observation was; those who are affected positively strangely enough still suffer a lot from internal emotions.
Do you think that ALL children from broken families or single parenting; with or without evident challenges should undergo counseling? I really would like us to stop blaming either of the parents as this is not a clear-cut textbook analogy and try a compulsory solution – a solution that all men-kind can benefit from – rich or poor! Maybe; a request to government to offer a free access to psychologists; only to children who come from the above groups & cannot afford the excessive fee asked by psychologists.
Are you a product of divorce? single parenting? or just don't even know one your parents? How has this affected your life?
Tamara Booi
Thursday, July 22, 2010
"I think I'm in-love"
Are you?
Ladies; this is a common phrase used by most women at the beginning of their relationships and some feel like this for the entire duration of an affair/marriage. I'm sure we all have experienced being in-love and yes, me too have uttered the words - "I think I'm in-love" at least until I understood the actual meaning of being in-love.
It used to puzzle me why this phrase have a phase; why can one feel like this always? As I continue to mature, I noticed that this phrase is rather absent in adulthood which made me to make it my project to understand why. Through my research; I got a huge response about 'love fades away' and that 'an old relationship has more to offer than just love, one should not base everything on love' which made me even more worried as I so much love 'love'
I then discovered that; being in-love actually is a poor way of heading your relationship! Oh yes! Feelings of being 'in-love' are associated with being hooked; infatuated; being obsessed; even possessed; they are associated with being love-stuck. I don't think any man would enjoy being involved with the kind of woman above. Every individual requires a level of mental freedom and a woman in-love in my opinion, have less ability to provide that. I then concluded that the proper way of heading your relationship is to love your partner! Loving is associated with adorable feelings; caring; finding your partner irresistible; respect and passion for your partner.
Now would you rather love your partner or be in-love with him?
Until next time,
Keep loving!
Tamara Booi
Ladies; this is a common phrase used by most women at the beginning of their relationships and some feel like this for the entire duration of an affair/marriage. I'm sure we all have experienced being in-love and yes, me too have uttered the words - "I think I'm in-love" at least until I understood the actual meaning of being in-love.
It used to puzzle me why this phrase have a phase; why can one feel like this always? As I continue to mature, I noticed that this phrase is rather absent in adulthood which made me to make it my project to understand why. Through my research; I got a huge response about 'love fades away' and that 'an old relationship has more to offer than just love, one should not base everything on love' which made me even more worried as I so much love 'love'
I then discovered that; being in-love actually is a poor way of heading your relationship! Oh yes! Feelings of being 'in-love' are associated with being hooked; infatuated; being obsessed; even possessed; they are associated with being love-stuck. I don't think any man would enjoy being involved with the kind of woman above. Every individual requires a level of mental freedom and a woman in-love in my opinion, have less ability to provide that. I then concluded that the proper way of heading your relationship is to love your partner! Loving is associated with adorable feelings; caring; finding your partner irresistible; respect and passion for your partner.
Now would you rather love your partner or be in-love with him?
Until next time,
Keep loving!
Tamara Booi
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
On Sharing
Often we are too reluctant to realize the importance of sharing in our growth processes. Those who know me well would tell how much of a believer I am in sharing. Sharing has played a huge role in just about all areas of my life. Personally, it gives me power as often I turn to gather a lot of knowledge, expertize, contacts, wisdom, mentors, answers & great friendships.
Ironically; women are perceived as the most 'sharing' gender... as it were, but our 'sharing' is evidently still far away from building each other or even building something together. One would argue about giving away your ideas or posting your affairs to the world. Sharing knowledge & wisdom should not be seen as giving people something to get something out - it should be seen as genuine people interested in helping one another in developing new capacities for action, it is about creating learning processes.
Like our fingers - we are different and were blessed with different talents, raised in different ways and had different opportunities in life. Some are ordinary & some are extraordinary. What is interesting for me though is, within every ordinary person you can find some extraordinary things. If you stay ordinary, comfortably without sharing what is wonderful or appalling about your world - you will never learn what the extraordinary world is doing.
You might have a great idea on how you can start your own business & you may not believe how it does not take off as every part of your body is telling you how wonderful it is. You might just need to share it with someone - you will be surprised how that could turn out - you might just meet someone who is clueless about ideas but knows how to make money & you become a great pair! The most often times women share their ideas is when they need funding - which is mostly sharing with people who will give them money to run a project & nothing on how they will sustain the project to generate their own money. Tell me if I'm wrong, there are people we just cannot speak to about things - because they are 'ordinary' forgetting that there might be something 'extraordinary' in them. I would personally rather take that person with to the bank to ask for funding, for I would have sourced my basis of business muscle. I would furthermore be fulfilled as an individual as I would have brought about change - exposed the ordinary to extraordinary world.
In relationships, women suffer from stress related illnesses which can result in poor performance at the work place, unkindness to people, unpleasantness & arrogance. Your sole knows nothing else except the mediocrity boiling inside you. Your lack of wisdom is holding you back from talking because you think you the only one suffering from a particular challenge. Sharing will not solve your problem, but it will sure give you power and ability to deal with them or perhaps give you answers to some of the questions you might have.
Have you ever been new in a company full of petty individual who make it a project to lock you away from knowledge! People who are happy with what they know, not intelligent enough to open up to what they could learn from you. If you are one of those - consider change! By giving others knowledge you are setting yourself up for new & greater capabilities; you will not see any if you are caught up with what you already know.
Keep sharing!
Tamara Booi
Ironically; women are perceived as the most 'sharing' gender... as it were, but our 'sharing' is evidently still far away from building each other or even building something together. One would argue about giving away your ideas or posting your affairs to the world. Sharing knowledge & wisdom should not be seen as giving people something to get something out - it should be seen as genuine people interested in helping one another in developing new capacities for action, it is about creating learning processes.
Like our fingers - we are different and were blessed with different talents, raised in different ways and had different opportunities in life. Some are ordinary & some are extraordinary. What is interesting for me though is, within every ordinary person you can find some extraordinary things. If you stay ordinary, comfortably without sharing what is wonderful or appalling about your world - you will never learn what the extraordinary world is doing.
You might have a great idea on how you can start your own business & you may not believe how it does not take off as every part of your body is telling you how wonderful it is. You might just need to share it with someone - you will be surprised how that could turn out - you might just meet someone who is clueless about ideas but knows how to make money & you become a great pair! The most often times women share their ideas is when they need funding - which is mostly sharing with people who will give them money to run a project & nothing on how they will sustain the project to generate their own money. Tell me if I'm wrong, there are people we just cannot speak to about things - because they are 'ordinary' forgetting that there might be something 'extraordinary' in them. I would personally rather take that person with to the bank to ask for funding, for I would have sourced my basis of business muscle. I would furthermore be fulfilled as an individual as I would have brought about change - exposed the ordinary to extraordinary world.
In relationships, women suffer from stress related illnesses which can result in poor performance at the work place, unkindness to people, unpleasantness & arrogance. Your sole knows nothing else except the mediocrity boiling inside you. Your lack of wisdom is holding you back from talking because you think you the only one suffering from a particular challenge. Sharing will not solve your problem, but it will sure give you power and ability to deal with them or perhaps give you answers to some of the questions you might have.
Have you ever been new in a company full of petty individual who make it a project to lock you away from knowledge! People who are happy with what they know, not intelligent enough to open up to what they could learn from you. If you are one of those - consider change! By giving others knowledge you are setting yourself up for new & greater capabilities; you will not see any if you are caught up with what you already know.
Keep sharing!
Tamara Booi
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Power of a Parent's Word
http://www.parent24.com/Toddler_1-2/development_behaviour/The-power-of-a-parents-word-20100506
Tamara Booi
Tamara Booi
What type of boy are you raising?
http://www.parent24.com/Preschool_2-6/development_behaviour/What-type-of-boy-are-you-raising-20091120
Tamara Booi
Tamara Booi
It's not what you look at that matters - It's what you see
Hello beautiful ladies!
On a lighter note.....
I was talking to my colleague the other day and it was really amusing to understand how she hates the fact that her man looks at other females while driving with her. She further admits that it gets to her even worse when the other lady is fine looking! I am a woman too and hell yeah I don't want no man of mine studying other females - fact.
However, here's what I've discovered - Is it really what he looks at that we worried about or is it probably what we think he sees in that other person that actually matters? While you still figuring that out (cause you probably don't even know why you keep revving yourself about it) I would like us to get involved in the looking - throw comments like "I think she's pretty" "Look at her behind - cute" "I don't really like the hairstyle though, I think if it was curled it would have been nice"
Let us know after a couple of times you engage him in light conversations about his observations. You will be surprised how much you will pick up to your advantage if you adopt this exercise! Remember, our goal is to arrive in a world of less heartaches & less offending behaviors. Your heart depends on you - you need to do everything in your power to protect it, he ain't going to do that for you!
Don't forget to keep looking at those hot guys too ;-)
Tamara Booi
On a lighter note.....
I was talking to my colleague the other day and it was really amusing to understand how she hates the fact that her man looks at other females while driving with her. She further admits that it gets to her even worse when the other lady is fine looking! I am a woman too and hell yeah I don't want no man of mine studying other females - fact.
However, here's what I've discovered - Is it really what he looks at that we worried about or is it probably what we think he sees in that other person that actually matters? While you still figuring that out (cause you probably don't even know why you keep revving yourself about it) I would like us to get involved in the looking - throw comments like "I think she's pretty" "Look at her behind - cute" "I don't really like the hairstyle though, I think if it was curled it would have been nice"
Let us know after a couple of times you engage him in light conversations about his observations. You will be surprised how much you will pick up to your advantage if you adopt this exercise! Remember, our goal is to arrive in a world of less heartaches & less offending behaviors. Your heart depends on you - you need to do everything in your power to protect it, he ain't going to do that for you!
Don't forget to keep looking at those hot guys too ;-)
Tamara Booi
Monday, June 28, 2010
"Go back a little to leap further"
I believe that at some point in our lives we will meet failure, but the most important part is to be able to bounce back from it. Some set-backs are clear-cuts and some are just too complex. Going bankrupt(for example) may tell you that you need to work harder to manage your finances - understand & accept that some things you cannot afford and adjust your lifestyle to suit your pocket.
However; do you ever feel that the things you thought you knew, you have to learn them again?
Yes, sometimes we have to take a few steps back and re-group to move forward. In my opinion, winning is a gratuity but wanting to win is everything. It is very hard to fail but it is even worse to realize that you never even attempted to succeed. You can use this approach in just about every aspect of your life - self building, work, family & relationships. Even those things you thought you have figured out, you might just have to learn them again.
Don't be afraid to fail - maybe by getting retrenched from your job you'll land on a better one. Accept that you have failed and move on to a new zone. What is tough though is the fact that we need to take those few steps back to understand why we failed in order to start moving forward. I know we all would like to just bury our past failures and move forward, not realizing that we might just step into the same road that got us to fail.
Maybe before we move on, we might have to say Good Morning to the fact that we no longer friends; Good Morning to the fact that you lost your job; Good Morning to the fact that you are not perfect; Good Morning to the fact that we no longer husband & wife; Good Morning to the fact that you are no longer an item. Good Morning to the fact that you lost a business deal...
Remember that there is hope for every situation. Just don't be afraid to fail - its part of the process.
Stay Positive!
Tamara Booi
However; do you ever feel that the things you thought you knew, you have to learn them again?
Yes, sometimes we have to take a few steps back and re-group to move forward. In my opinion, winning is a gratuity but wanting to win is everything. It is very hard to fail but it is even worse to realize that you never even attempted to succeed. You can use this approach in just about every aspect of your life - self building, work, family & relationships. Even those things you thought you have figured out, you might just have to learn them again.
Don't be afraid to fail - maybe by getting retrenched from your job you'll land on a better one. Accept that you have failed and move on to a new zone. What is tough though is the fact that we need to take those few steps back to understand why we failed in order to start moving forward. I know we all would like to just bury our past failures and move forward, not realizing that we might just step into the same road that got us to fail.
Maybe before we move on, we might have to say Good Morning to the fact that we no longer friends; Good Morning to the fact that you lost your job; Good Morning to the fact that you are not perfect; Good Morning to the fact that we no longer husband & wife; Good Morning to the fact that you are no longer an item. Good Morning to the fact that you lost a business deal...
Remember that there is hope for every situation. Just don't be afraid to fail - its part of the process.
Stay Positive!
Tamara Booi
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Beauty Benefits
Hey Ladies,
We all know that females in general have what I call 'benefits' of just being a woman - get seats first, don't open their own drinks, allowed to cry, have days that are named in recognition of them and the list goes on.
As if that is not enough, there are nuts on top of that ice cream - beauty benefits! I know a lot of my folks who are drop-dead beautiful and can't even get to pay a car-marshal for a parking fee. Certainly, these ladies require less effort in getting their way around most things in life - high profiled men, jobs, free entrance to events and even an innocent admiration from a mere stranger on the street (lets face it, that actually does make your day somehow).
Do you feel that you have to work extra hard to get where you want to be? Do you hold a number of University degrees but are on the same level with a beauty holding a six months diploma? Do you feel that you have to make an effort to dress up to look good - make-up, expensive clothes? Ladies, do you have to sit a man down and converse to get noticed (charm with your integrity)? Do you envy the beauty who are enjoying the finer things in life without having to sweat for them?
I know this is something that a lot of women lye about, we just don't want to admit that we are jealous of those pretty ladies. In my opinion, we were not shaped & 'colored' the same way but we can all feel beautiful! Beauty is in your confidence, it is the way you carry yourself, the way you walk & the way you love yourself. If we can learn to master these qualities & be mindful of how we were uniquely created - we would make a world of beautiful, awesome women.
I would like to hear your true stories, are you a beauty-hater? or are you a beauty yourself trying to figure out why you being hated or just enjoying it? Perhaps you've got what I call true beauty - confidence, integrity & loving yourself the way you are.
Let us know!
Tamara Booi
We all know that females in general have what I call 'benefits' of just being a woman - get seats first, don't open their own drinks, allowed to cry, have days that are named in recognition of them and the list goes on.
As if that is not enough, there are nuts on top of that ice cream - beauty benefits! I know a lot of my folks who are drop-dead beautiful and can't even get to pay a car-marshal for a parking fee. Certainly, these ladies require less effort in getting their way around most things in life - high profiled men, jobs, free entrance to events and even an innocent admiration from a mere stranger on the street (lets face it, that actually does make your day somehow).
Do you feel that you have to work extra hard to get where you want to be? Do you hold a number of University degrees but are on the same level with a beauty holding a six months diploma? Do you feel that you have to make an effort to dress up to look good - make-up, expensive clothes? Ladies, do you have to sit a man down and converse to get noticed (charm with your integrity)? Do you envy the beauty who are enjoying the finer things in life without having to sweat for them?
I know this is something that a lot of women lye about, we just don't want to admit that we are jealous of those pretty ladies. In my opinion, we were not shaped & 'colored' the same way but we can all feel beautiful! Beauty is in your confidence, it is the way you carry yourself, the way you walk & the way you love yourself. If we can learn to master these qualities & be mindful of how we were uniquely created - we would make a world of beautiful, awesome women.
I would like to hear your true stories, are you a beauty-hater? or are you a beauty yourself trying to figure out why you being hated or just enjoying it? Perhaps you've got what I call true beauty - confidence, integrity & loving yourself the way you are.
Let us know!
Tamara Booi
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Plant a Tree
Hi Ladies,
Ronald Reaga once said - If today you invent a better mouse-trap, the government will come along with a better mouse. As human beings we invest our energies, money, health, time etc. into a whole lot of different things.
To those that are focusing on the past, be it job/business failure, loss of a loved one, loss of your self through relationship or marriage crash, loss of trust through friendship disappointments. You might even still be blaming your parents for not being able to give you a better life, still holding on to that anger to the point that you can't even see open doors in front of you. Probably questioning God about your poor background, lack of resources at your disposal - You are investing in the past - Let go!
To those that are focusing on the present, it may seem easier & fulfilling to live on today. Most people choose this route as it requires less effort & usually with less heartaches & disappointments. I personally would enjoy this route too however, I would not stick to it for long. Some people choose this route based on their past experiences & some just in denial of their need for help. No matter what situation that is making you live for today, if you are over 18 - Let go!
Today I would like us to start focusing on the future. Take all our failures, disappointments, loss, unhappiness and dig a bit hole in planting a tree. We can start the process by recognizing the key ingredient which is forgiveness. Forgive our parents for failing us, forgive the government for not reaching to rural areas enough for resources of our democracy to be accessed by all, forgive the universe for the loss of your child, forgive your partner for being petty, forgive your boss for having no eyes to see what's good in you and forgive yourself for your passion. You are better because all of that taught you how to live. If the Mandela's, the Hani's & the Biko's can forgive oppression surely we can rise above it all.
Bury those under your invention of a tree of hope. Keep watering it with your future successes & watch it as it grows big thick leaves.
Lastly, to those that just had a better life in all areas and the above do no make any sense at all - You are sitting under that shade because someone planted a tree long time ago! The duty is for you to keep watering so as to keep the shade for your own children.
Stay inspired!
Tamara Booi
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Who is a successful Woman?
This question always crop up in my mind at every women gathering I get to be. Women have so many opportunities and are continuously showing their capabilities as leaders and role models of our country – thanks to the ruling government.
Successful women are recognized; they are on magazines telling their stories, at public gatherings as motivational speakers, in communities as role models in different forms. Women are running their own businesses; they are corporate executives in large companies.
In my opinion, 99% of the above women desire to have their own families, at some point they want to get married and have children of their own. A CEO of a company can stay away on maternity leave for an average of 4months every 2nd year until she attain her desired number of children. She will then think her ‘house hold’ role is done not realizing that, this is when it begins. This woman is surely to miss some of her child’s growth development; she will not be able to keep up with her family’s desires for home cooked meals, clean ironed clothes, tidy house etc. This will lead to her sub-contracting her duties to a helper/domestic worker.
It is evident that women today have two major roles to accomplish that contradict each other - the challenge being what is perceived as success for them. Every woman strives to be successful however, not every woman can be a CEO and a CEO can never be a successful House Keeper. Women need to make peace with this fact. Women need to recognize their strengths and put their energies into making them to be well recognized.
Self esteem plays a major role in one’s life. Home makers view themselves as ‘just Moms and housewives’ which is a bit demeaning for such an accomplishment! Society needs to recognize this role and give it its deserving dignity. Home makers as well must enhance their self esteem by going to school, education is the best defense for any challenge that a woman may encounter. It is also the best weapon against remaining reliant on anyone about your welfare.
We all indisputably chasing success, but what is success mean for a woman?
I'd love to hear what you ladies think!
Stay Powerful
Tamara Booi
Successful women are recognized; they are on magazines telling their stories, at public gatherings as motivational speakers, in communities as role models in different forms. Women are running their own businesses; they are corporate executives in large companies.
In my opinion, 99% of the above women desire to have their own families, at some point they want to get married and have children of their own. A CEO of a company can stay away on maternity leave for an average of 4months every 2nd year until she attain her desired number of children. She will then think her ‘house hold’ role is done not realizing that, this is when it begins. This woman is surely to miss some of her child’s growth development; she will not be able to keep up with her family’s desires for home cooked meals, clean ironed clothes, tidy house etc. This will lead to her sub-contracting her duties to a helper/domestic worker.
It is evident that women today have two major roles to accomplish that contradict each other - the challenge being what is perceived as success for them. Every woman strives to be successful however, not every woman can be a CEO and a CEO can never be a successful House Keeper. Women need to make peace with this fact. Women need to recognize their strengths and put their energies into making them to be well recognized.
Self esteem plays a major role in one’s life. Home makers view themselves as ‘just Moms and housewives’ which is a bit demeaning for such an accomplishment! Society needs to recognize this role and give it its deserving dignity. Home makers as well must enhance their self esteem by going to school, education is the best defense for any challenge that a woman may encounter. It is also the best weapon against remaining reliant on anyone about your welfare.
We all indisputably chasing success, but what is success mean for a woman?
I'd love to hear what you ladies think!
Stay Powerful
Tamara Booi
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Happiness - an attitude?
Hi Ladies,
There are a lot of things that makes one happy - stability, money, family, success etc. one would argue. Recently I have been told that happiness is actually an attitude. Your own happiness depends entirely on you. This was very interesting for me & I thought I should share it with you.
I think the fact that we are more in touch with our emotions as women, we would find this concept very difficult. This does not mean there will not be any occurrence resulting in you being unhappy. However, in the event that you experience sadness, disappointment, failure, loss & all that is associated with unhappiness - you choose to be HAPPY!
This is a process that I personally would like to adopt. It will surely require a little bit of selfishness, which is one of the things that most women struggle with - to be selfish. Authentically we were not created to be selfish but obedient; but we were not created to be sad, hurt or unhappy either.
Is happiness an attitude?
Tamara Booi
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Self Discovery
Dear Ladies,
How wonderful it is to discover your true self! Who you are, what you like, your strengths & your challenges; your physical flaws & your emotional instabilities.
The road to self discovery veries; for some it is very long and painful, for others it is smooth & short.
Self discovery could be every woman's door to eternal happiness, overwhelming success, successful relationships & maximum pleasure.
Today I would like us to discover ourselves, our abilities & talents, what we can & can't do. We accept our physical flaws, embrace our emotional needs, be alert of our psychological troubles & recognise our spiritual beliefs.
Remember, this self discovery excercise will dertermine the success of every aspect in our lives - be it work, relationships,family & otherwise.
If for some reason you have skipped this step in your life, and you are experiencing failure in one or more areas in your life - go back and discover yourself before life does this for you. Its never too late.
Until next time - discover the contentment in you.
Tamara Booi
How wonderful it is to discover your true self! Who you are, what you like, your strengths & your challenges; your physical flaws & your emotional instabilities.
The road to self discovery veries; for some it is very long and painful, for others it is smooth & short.
Self discovery could be every woman's door to eternal happiness, overwhelming success, successful relationships & maximum pleasure.
Today I would like us to discover ourselves, our abilities & talents, what we can & can't do. We accept our physical flaws, embrace our emotional needs, be alert of our psychological troubles & recognise our spiritual beliefs.
Remember, this self discovery excercise will dertermine the success of every aspect in our lives - be it work, relationships,family & otherwise.
If for some reason you have skipped this step in your life, and you are experiencing failure in one or more areas in your life - go back and discover yourself before life does this for you. Its never too late.
Until next time - discover the contentment in you.
Tamara Booi
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