Diseases of Prosperity

“Can we really win as black folks?  ...from malnutrition diseases to ‘prosperity diseases’...”

In my observation I realize a lot of ‘strange’ health attacks in my community.  Diseases I used to read of in newspapers or learn of on TV, and some I was just not aware they existed.  In my black community health conditions were somewhat divided according to age.  I grew up knowing that diseases like diabetes, heart attack, high blood pressure, gout etc. were for old people.  Young people suffered from fever/cold headache, and related sicknesses.  If it were to be something severe, it would be asthma or TB on very rare occasions.   

Back in the days there were just those diseases that you knew only affect white people: cancer, heart conditions etc.  Black people never used to even have medical aids.  Besides being poor...as it were, we just did not need them.  One of the few things I treasure from being poor is good health and strong physic. 

Being poor encouraged us to be an active society.  We didn't own cars and so we were forced to walk long distances.  We had less access to money which required us to do things with our own hands – like crop food in order to eat.  We were healthy because we could only plant vegetables & fruit, getting enough fiber from our own unprocessed raw foods.  We were free from the diseases discussed above as we were not exposed to too much meat, spices & sauces that kill our food.

At this stage you might be thinking I probably miss being poor.  Not at all, I really like the life we live and appreciate the journey that took us to where we are now.  However, I think we should be mindful of the “change” without “change”.  When we were poor we suffered a lot from diseases of malnutrition-infectious diseases, poor hygiene etc - Those were without a doubt “black people diseases”.  Now we are economically liberated and know how to make our own money, have access to just about everything that our beautiful country can offer.  We have therefore joined the white community and suffering from cardiovascular diseases, which I call “Diseases of Prosperity”.  Can we really win as black folks?

I am sure we all know that we need to strike a balance before we fall victims of our own freedom.  We are naturally a nation of pride and confidence.  This can work both in and against our favor.  You don’t have to order sushi every time you meeting someone of “status”, we know you can afford it but the mercury in it is not entirely good for your health.  You don’t have to cook meat everyday – this won’t make your bank account any lesser than it is.  Sometimes it’s OK to just take a walk to that nearby shop and leave your Maserati in your garage, you’ll find it there when you come back. 

I am bringing this topic on a women’s blog because mostly, it’s us females who prepare food in our households.  I personally have stayed away from using spices and opted for herbs.  It is a great adjustment but it is not worth our health.  Our breakfasts are feasts every time - have too many options that our hearts cannot take.  We are raising overweight kids, all in the name of wealth.  

The statistics of young infertile women is on the rise year on year.  Our past generation used to give birth to healthy children even beyond 40yrs.  An average fertile female to date has 1 in 8 chances of miscarrying a child between ages of 22-30yrs, and 1 in 5 females have one to non healthy eggs.  Our health is seriously in danger!  Our men are suffering from non-production and low sperm counts due to too much alcohol intake, diabetes etc. distressed from  lack of sexual drive, premature ejaculation & other Prosperity Diseases.  Indirectly, this becomes our problem too as their wives and girlfriends.  Take it upon yourself to own-up to your family’s well being. 

  

Let us enjoy our freedom and success but that will not be for long if we don’t take care of our health.

Until next time, watch what you eat!

Tamara Booi

Where are we heading as economically liberated women of SA?

As we will be celebrating women’s day tomorrow and the rest of the women’s month, the above question is standing firm in my thoughts. Our country is free from apartheid struggles, thank you to our four-fathers who sacrificed their own lives so I could be typing this article - from my laptop - in the comfort of my own home. However, it is evident that we have other struggles that we fighting for like gender inequality.

Women are chasing the same achievements as that of men, given the same opportunities to participate in the economy of our country. The way that women are responding to these opportunities is so efficient, we are seeing a growing number of households run by women financially todate. This says to me – a 21st century breed, that women’s capabilities were suppressed and limited to a selected few responsibilities. My theory then further says: that which is starved eventually becomes unavailable – therefore the capability that was suppressed became an inability.

All good and well but where is this going? I would like us to go back to the concept of creation of man. Man was created in the form of a man and a woman; both sexes were given different testosterones which made them distinct from one another. A woman was made softer (not weaker) than a man and a man was made stronger (not better) than a woman. Christianity teaches us that the purpose of this differentiation was for the two to complement and help one another. The man was created to be strong to protect the woman, and the woman was made softer to create a caring environment for her hero. In this history of Christianity, I am yet to come across a study that says “you are weak as a woman if you don’t fish from the same river as men”.

Men and women are blessed with different talents, have different capabilities and hold different strengths. Frankly, I don’t think that is by chance. Women are so caught-up in the “chasing of steak” – “bringing bacon home” tip to show that THEY too can. All their energies are directed to a race that I think they cannot fully win. Ironically though, men are steady in their purpose, know their strengths and focused on them - This is why they usually excel in what they do. Women on the other hand are faced with the predicament of choices and sacrifices. A vast majority of women who are “steak chasers” are either single (not married) or divorced, if married their kids are raised by nannies – both parents are emotionally or physically unavailable, if not both. A clear example illustrating the two distinct creatures would be - A man can go on a week’s business trip leaving his kids at home, he will miss them but that can easily be secondary to the goal of the trip. Put a woman in the same scenario and you are sure to see a distressed CEO. The emotions around the idea of not knowing what could be going on with her kids are so strong that they easily become a distraction. Once again, this in not by chance – it is because of how we were uniquely created. Just this one example clearly shows that a woman has more strength in the family and a man’s strength is more at work. This is the truth, it just needs to be told and accepted.

We would be astonished with how much damage we are contributing to the ill-being of our generation. We are raising an immoral society of disrespectful children who are driven by materialistic acquisitions. Women are blessed with precious gifts of strong instincts, mothering, caring, educational, motivational, and patience. Our society needs us; our kids need us and our country needs us. The world needs a man and a woman not a man and a man. In that setting there is bound to be a failure in morality, reproduction and recreation.

The ‘chase’ does not end in the boardroom...as it were; women have taken it out to the social world. It sounds much better in isiXhosa “Imivundla ileq’ izinja” - direct translation would be “Rabbits are chasing dogs”. Think about it, what would a rabbit do when it finally gets the dog? Will it make a pray? I don’t think so. It is sad to watch young girls throwing themselves so carelessly at men. I don’t even think men still know how to chat-up a girl, beg her to love them. Today, men are the ones who are continuously denying advances from women (Rabbit chasing dog). They have lost all respect for us and you know why – we have abandoned our strength, the ability to hold on to what is rightfully ours on quest to adopt their purpose to chase. Our kids are confused as to who to idolize when and why because Mom is just the same as Dad – so sad.

This women’s day, I would like to suggest that women think about re-claiming their part in our society and be true Wives, Mothers, sisters, aunts & roses on the big tree called life. This is by all means not a suggestion that women should stay home and have babies because of the stereotype that their place is in the kitchen. Go ahead and get that university degree, participate in the corporate world or otherwise, stimulate, advance and challenge yourself. However, as one of my favourite authors Timothy Leary puts – A woman who seeks to be equal to a man lacks ambition. Never seek to be equal to any man simply because you a woman. I would rather seek to be better than him and to achieve that, I have to focus only on my strengths.

In my opinion, we are still very fortunate that the country still celebrates us. In actual fact, we need to come to a realization that the women who are being celebrated are not from our generation. They are from the strong women of yesterday who stood firm in their beliefs and values. I’m talking about women who fought with tears in their eyes for the psychological well-being of their children; Women who respected each other; their elders; their children and their bodies. The question is – are you that woman? What will your great-grand children celebrate of you? The fact that you can close a sales deal but barely know how to keep your family together? The fact that you can sleep with any and every other man just because you can? Or is it the fact that you think you can disrespect others because you can bank it up? What moral legacy do you hope to live? Wealth with no sense of moral direction?

Until next time, be the woman you are & Happy Women’s Day.

Tamara Booi

Marriage – The Transition Period

"Is our culture and societal expectations more important than the psychological well being of the individuals in marriage?"

Over the weekend I was at yet another wedding. Young couples seem to be taking the big step on their relationships more often than before. It is a good thing to see that the men of today are stepping up to the plate and making good women out of their partners. At the same rate we are seeing couples marry, we are experiencing an increase in documented divorces to date. A large portion of these divorces occur within the first five-eight years of marriages. People argue their opinions on the possible reasons behind this, and the common findings often stated are clearly valid to constitute for a divorce. In my opinion, marriages today end before they actually begin.

At every wedding I attend, I find an opportunity to converse with fellow married ladies. With my experience and the experience of those I speak to, I have come to understand that the psychological shift within the transition period (1-5 even up to 8yrs of marriage) could be the main reason towards the high divorce rate during this stage. These psychological shifts then make the couples vulnerable to the reasons that are put as causes for divorce. As you are in the dating period, there will come a time in your relationship when your mind (backed-up with societal values) tells you that your relationship needs to take a step further. You and your partner will decide to marry. You both get excited and look forward to the wedding day. No one really thinks of the many days beyond this big day (especially the ladies). Understandably so, who wants to bother herself about the mystery? There’s a saying that one of my friends likes that goes: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery & today is a gift and that is why it’s called the present”. We ladies understands the true meaning of this phrase where a decision to marry is concerned.

When the big day has come and gone, expectations rise from all angles of your being. As a wife you are expected to submit to your husband, certain clothing needs to vacate your closet & time away with friends need to be minimized and monitored accordingly. Wherever you go, you are now a representative of your husband and his family. Now you cannot do things naturally, you need to be consistently aware of what you doing and how you carry yourself as a Mrs. People will all-of-a-sudden take a huge interest in you – what you wear the hairstyles you do places you visit friends you keep & even how you laugh in public! On the other hand your in-laws have their own expectations of you, and surely they are no where near how your first 20+ years were like. As if that is not enough, you will be expected to miss the most important times with the family you knew all your life – like Christmas. Your traditional wedding ceremony will be the last event you experience at your new home. All events you will see on videos, and the only thing you will witness is how the plate of food looked like on the day. In the mist of it all you desire or feel pressured to have children, which alone make a detour to another psychological shift altogether.

As a husband, you are also expected to monitor your time even more than you expect from your partner. Now you can’t just feel like going to party all night long with your boys and spontaneously do just that. You cannot be allowed to be just foolish – which is what you’d like every now and then. You are expected to answer, request, engage or explain yourself every second day which is unnatural for your DNA. As if that is not enough, you are expected to be monogamous. You are not allowed to admire, touch or have/act on any romantic feelings for any other woman besides that which you have chosen. Your sincere desire is to have children of your own, how they come or brought up is not one of your natural interests.

Having researched and discussed the above, my concern is - Why is it that no one ever takes a step back to understand how the other party is affected psychologically by the major shift of marriage? Is our culture more important than the psychological well being of the individuals in our society?

Our country is still struggling with equality after 18 years into our democracy. All because change is not easy, a back-lock of past experiences makes it more resistant. As a wife, can you now expect your husband to be what is expected of him in a space of five years? After he has lived 30+ years of his life as his own person? As a husband, can you really expect your wife to be excited to be spending Christmas at your home every year? When all she knew all her life was to go home to her parents for Christmas, thanks giving or any other annual family gathering? Do we really take time to assist each other through the marriage transition period? Or are we so caught-up in what culture expects of us?

Today I’d like you to take a step back and have a clear understanding of the problems in your marriage. Are they rooted from the expectations of your culture, society or your in-laws? Are you able to give your partner time to grow as a student in this institution called marriage, for as long as he is showing the willingness to improve? Are you able to take a step back from each problem arising, understand that your partner could have been having or doing something else as per his own desires if he were to be his own person? Are you able to understand that nothing your partner can do naturally if it’s outside his make-up? All he does is what comes naturally to him and everything else beyond this he has to learn and practice for him to master. I am directing these questions to you women as this is a women’s blog, they are meant for our men as well.

Before you put your tools down, remember this: If you still within the transition period - respect your culture and recognise the society around you however; concern yourself the most with what your partner could be going through in this period.

Until next time!

Tamara Booi

Forgiveness is a decision not a feeling

Forgiveness is a conscious choice & a physical act to fulfil the will, it is not a feeling or an emotional state of being.

Anger, rage, bitterness & self-protection are the most common initial reactions when we have been wronged. We don’t immediately overflow with mercy, grace or forgiveness. This is rather difficult to control, but is it sensible for one to overstay these feelings?

People who have been holding their perpetrators for so long in their hearts hate to hear the word ‘forgive’. Reasonably so because there are heavy acts of cruelty and injustice we do to one another. Some are just unbearable to just forgive and our instincts make us believe that forgiveness scorns the sin committed against us.

I have learnt to believe that forgiveness is one of the most needed therapies. It is easier said than done and you have to experience it to appreciate its rewards. No matter the crime, reality is - your soul needs peace. A heavy heart is not capable of all its functionalities. It does not love or receive love; it does not trust or receive trust, too heavy to receive any form of blessings.

You are probably asking, how do you forgive someone who killed your parents? How do you forgive someone who is the cause of your disability today? How do you forgive someone who lied about your paternity? How do you forgive someone who abused you physically/emotionally? How do you forgive someone who has cheated on you? How do you forgive someone who just packed and left after 15yrs of your devoted love to him? ..And the list goes on ladies. My answer is - Your soul needs peace. You are in the way of God’s work. His work on you can not be complete if you decide to do His job. Our job is to take a decision to forgive, by faith. God’s job is to judge and punish those who have wronged us. We shall therefore continue to forgive (our job) until the work of forgiveness is completed in our hearts (God’s job). God urges us to forgive for us to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a long slow process, so is everything related with God.

It requires a lot of prayer and belief to decide to forgive the above sins. However, I get very worried when we can’t forgive each other for miner grievances against one another. We keeping friends heavy in our hearts because they never invited us to their weddings/parties, or someone talking bad about us behind our backs, I mean really!?! Are we that bored! God wants to bless us but where can He put His blessings in those pre-occupied heart?

On the other hand, just personally you will not grow if you don’t forgive. Release this one individual that is blocking your sight to your future. It is a chapter of your life that you had to go through, release it and move on. The father of your child may have left you for a younger woman, and you wonder why you have not found a good man for yourself yet. Release him so you can be free to receive a new man that will be good to you. I can imagine this situation can never be nice; it is not the ideal life situation for any woman but your heart needs peace. Forgive even if you don’t love him anymore, you don’t need to be back together with him to forgive him.

The process of forgiveness can be very confusing. You may have decided to forgive a long time ago, but sometimes you still feel angry and bitter and you ask yourself why you still have these feelings if you truly did forgive. Hold on tight to your decision to forgive, it is a process. You will know that the process is over when you have a feeling of freedom in your heart. When thoughts about your perpetrator don’t anger you no more; when thoughts about your relationship ordeal don’t hurt no more; when meeting the one who wronged you don’t matter no more; when a topic similar to your awful experience don’t make you cry no more.

Bad life experiences help us grow; one bad experience gives us strength to face another.

Until next time – Forgive, your soul needs peace.

Tamara Booi

Let no experience change who you are!

"What people around you do is a reflection of their own characters, their own understanding of life and the portrayal of their own purpose. It has got little to nothing to do with you."

As the saying goes - Life is 20 percent what happens to you, and 80 percent how you respond. Whoever came up with this saying has really lived to understand this wisdom. There are a lot of things that life presents to us. They come in different forms, find us in different states of mind and we have to respond. There is no book published on how to live life, and this article is not aimed at that either. Simply because life is an evolving journey. Each and every individual has his/her own definition of life. Today I'd like to remind us that, we all have a purpose in life. However, staying true to your purpose is the greatest challenge.

I have realised that people around us have a huge influence in making us sway away from our true purpose. One needs to always remember that, what the other person does is a reflection of their own character and a portrayal of their own purpose. If you are ill-willed or have not yet defined your own purpose, you will find yourself dancing because the monkey next door is also doing so.

You come accross this life harzard a lot at the work place. As much as we all work to make a living and build our careers, other people are just there at work to simple annoy you. If they stay true to their 'purpose' they will annoy you until they see you submit your resignation letter. By that time, they would have served their purpose. Sadly because you are so focused on what they do and it is affecting you to a point where you want to live your job, without achieving what you came there to do - build a career.

In your relationship; be it friendship or romance, there are certain positive things you have stop doing because the other person does'nt do them. You no longer saying 'thank you' in appreciating the gestures you recieve and you back this up by saying you are never appreciated too. What you are doing here is allowing someone else define your character. You have stopped helping your friends - in any form, because you just never get any help from them. All the things you do define the type of person you are and probably have contributed to how your life is currently. If you have decided to drop some pieces of your being, who are you now? Whose purpose are you living?

Anger, heartache and disappointment are the major emotional aspects that plays a huge role in re-defining ourselves and creating confusion around our true purpose.

There are experiences that are just realities of life. As hard as it is to be going through a divorse for example or breaking up with your long term boyfriend. The experience does not define who you are and neither is he. By all means go through all emotions, let go, move on and be the person you truly are. The relationship may have not served his purpose and that has got nothing to do with yours. Another danger to our characters and purpose in relationships is infidelity. It has the power to change the victim into an angry corrupt outregeous bitter individual, and in some cases a co-cheat. I always say if you are a cheat, do so willingly. No man should turn you into something you not. If that's the case, declare that man as your God. If you don't like what he did and can't live with it, live the relationship. If you decide on staying in that relationship, don't change! Remember, what he did is a reflection of his own character and a portrayal of his own purpose.

This goes as far as to small things like greeting when passing a person, if they dont greet you back its ok. You have done what you had to and your day should carry on. Some people just don't respond to your calls, emails, BBMs, whatsapp etc for whatever reason. On their 'happy' day they write to you, don't say you will not respond too - answer, you don't need to be like them. If you welcome your friends in your house with a cup of tea but when you get at their place you have to make your own cup - that's the way it is. Let it not change the way you do things in your home.

We probably all have heard people going on about "What happened to Babalwa*, she used to be a nice" If you are a 'Babalwa*' in your life, I'd suggest you take a step back and do a re-play of your life. Maybe someone or some experience changed you to be who you are today. Its amazing how we seldom come out a better people from experiences. Maybe its easy to just be bad because you just blend instantly as oppose to being good because there are few of those around.

Be shaken by the trials of life but let only God stir you. For what is shaken can easily seperate and what is stirred is difficult to seperate.

Until next time, live your purpose.




Tamara Booi