I have realized that even after 15 years in our democracy we are still battling psychologically. This is sad for me because I believe everything starts in the mind – one needs to believe she is something to be something. The government can only unveil the world that was made foreign to us; penetrating into the unknown still remains our duty.
Our black sisters have got a lot of talent & they do make it in the corporate world; but just a few steps before the top. Those who are just too obvious (extremely intelligent that is) get to those titles like: CEO, Director etc. However, their influence is as good as that of another general manager.
Experience, education, talent & leadership skills will get you to top management in the corporate world; but when you get there – your state of mind will determine how influential you will be.
Society has conditioned most of us to believe that for things to happen there should be another person of colour hand-walking us. This does not just end with race; it goes further to gender. We come up with wonderful ideas that for some reason need men to bring to reality or complete our projects. I strongly believe that the above scenarios are not because we are incapable of being influential when we are at the top; but our minds are still oppressed.
Steve Biko once said – “The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed”
Believe it or not; the corporate leaders do not only know that we want to be at director levels. They also know that although we want to get there we do not entirely believe that we are capable of making it. They are constantly proving this by giving us these driving positions while we don’t even get to touch the steering wheel. Our brothers too unconsciously; do exercise this culture. BEE requirements are compelling them to have females as shareholders in business; and this in most cases is only practical on paper. Call me biased but; I do not think they consciously plan to repress us. We exploit ourselves by bringing only ourselves to those positions & leave our ‘I can’ minds in exile.
We underestimate the power of the mind. They say if you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you may be right.
It is evidently not easy out there; but who said it would be! We must know that it is not easy for everyone; it is not because it is you who is trying to make it. Men choose to put their minds at the “I know how” state and the results confirm the power in that.
Yes you can sit in that board meeting as a female – that’s how they can hear your views! Yes you can disagree with what you don’t believe in – that’s how they can differentiate what you know from what you don’t know. Yes you can stand up and tell them you are leaving a board meeting if they start to speak a language you don’t understand or you feel your input is not recognised – that’s how they will respect you. Yes you can make it on your own; because you are capable.
Release your mind from exile – its freedom and yours can not be separated!
Tamara Booi
This blog is designed to serve all women across the globe. Its aim is to encourage, build, inspire, educate and motivate women. It will help you smile, discover, learn & share, which is all that a woman needs. Women are beautiful from the inside-out, intelligent, kind, soft, adorable and strong. They are the center of the universe, the world revolves around them. Let us talk it all! Tamara
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Anger poisons our eternal wisdom!
I have realized that as I’m growing older and wiser I do not get easily angered. At first I was a little concerned as I thought I was losing my feminine side... A friend of mine confirmed this in a different way when she said to me the other day that I was becoming selfish. Selfish sounded horrible to those who were listening but my heart smiled with self-satisfaction and I could only say thank you as I thought that was a complement.
People with little understanding are most apt to get angry when their logic is called into action. As females, most of the time we think our inability to make sense at times qualifies our anger. Sometimes we miss out on constructive arguments because when the heat rise and we cannot articulate ourselves well anymore – we switch off & get angry. We lose good friendships because, when our good friends try and caution us about our shortcomings – we get angry. Sometimes we get so angry to a point that we believe we should be understood for being angry & those who angered us should apologise for doing so.
Having said that, it is almost impossible to think that anger is a feeling that does not exist in a human being. I believe that we are just allowing it to own a greater part of our intellectual faculty. It’s never about what people do or say that makes us angry; it’s what we tell ourselves about what they said or did. Anger is a feeling that should exits in a normal human creature but it is important that you let it out. As soon as anger is fed, it is dead but starving it makes it fat. It is even more crucial that we know how to let it out.
Stay away from immature anger! Shouting will most probably terrify the other person or just make him tone deaf; and what is said or done during that shall not be on record because it was said or done in anger & most of the time it has little influence to a solution. Crying may sure create some attention for you & things may go your way but this way of anger will not solve your problems. Things will go your way for hours/days & chances are the problem will transpire again because you were not understood but only felt pity for.
“The intoxication of anger, like that of grapes shows us to others but hides us from ourselves”
Anger will decrease your chances of learning & personal growth in general. People will close down on you, say & do all the things you are comfortable with because they’ll be cautious of saying or doing new things that might trigger your anger. Friends may let you be because they cautious of stepping into your anger zone; and those who don’t have time for that may just cut you out of their lives. Men may run away because immature anger is one of the signs of emotional challenged individual. Those men looking for a prey might stick around just to get you angrier and stay a victim to them.
Ladies, I challenge you all today to take control of your anger. When you are angry, you are powerless. They say, he who angers you conquers you. Instead of wasting your energies in being angry; why don’t you invest them in pulling your senses together & strive to be understood. Don’t forget to understand too to be understood – it’s a two way street.
Stay Powerful!
Tamara Booi
People with little understanding are most apt to get angry when their logic is called into action. As females, most of the time we think our inability to make sense at times qualifies our anger. Sometimes we miss out on constructive arguments because when the heat rise and we cannot articulate ourselves well anymore – we switch off & get angry. We lose good friendships because, when our good friends try and caution us about our shortcomings – we get angry. Sometimes we get so angry to a point that we believe we should be understood for being angry & those who angered us should apologise for doing so.
Having said that, it is almost impossible to think that anger is a feeling that does not exist in a human being. I believe that we are just allowing it to own a greater part of our intellectual faculty. It’s never about what people do or say that makes us angry; it’s what we tell ourselves about what they said or did. Anger is a feeling that should exits in a normal human creature but it is important that you let it out. As soon as anger is fed, it is dead but starving it makes it fat. It is even more crucial that we know how to let it out.
Stay away from immature anger! Shouting will most probably terrify the other person or just make him tone deaf; and what is said or done during that shall not be on record because it was said or done in anger & most of the time it has little influence to a solution. Crying may sure create some attention for you & things may go your way but this way of anger will not solve your problems. Things will go your way for hours/days & chances are the problem will transpire again because you were not understood but only felt pity for.
“The intoxication of anger, like that of grapes shows us to others but hides us from ourselves”
Anger will decrease your chances of learning & personal growth in general. People will close down on you, say & do all the things you are comfortable with because they’ll be cautious of saying or doing new things that might trigger your anger. Friends may let you be because they cautious of stepping into your anger zone; and those who don’t have time for that may just cut you out of their lives. Men may run away because immature anger is one of the signs of emotional challenged individual. Those men looking for a prey might stick around just to get you angrier and stay a victim to them.
Ladies, I challenge you all today to take control of your anger. When you are angry, you are powerless. They say, he who angers you conquers you. Instead of wasting your energies in being angry; why don’t you invest them in pulling your senses together & strive to be understood. Don’t forget to understand too to be understood – it’s a two way street.
Stay Powerful!
Tamara Booi
Monday, September 6, 2010
Go where there is no path & leave a trail!
Often we so attracted to familiar things – famous professions, tackling same concepts, on roads that have been travelled & discusing topics that are exhausted. I am not sure if this is because it is easier to do ‘corrections’ on someone else’s work? Perhaps we need some mind triggers to get ground work? Or we are just too lazy & enjoy the thrill of clustered competition? Maybe we are just simple followers rather than innovators!
Is the fact that society reserved a second place for us than that of men making us to think every area of our lives should be a copy? Or is it by chance that you find yourself thinking about what has been thought of? Doing what has been done!
It is possible that your passion is in motivational speaking, but are you going to talk about HIV & AIDS as well? What will make you stand out? Following where you think the path may lead might not necessarily land you there. It may land you on an island in the middle of no where and as a follower you may fail because chances are - you won’t be seeing any footsteps to follow. On the other hand, an innovator on the island will meet another opportunity & run with it.
Same thing happens to the way we dress. Fashion TV is there to be watched & fashion magazines are there to advertise current styles and trends. Celebrities are on the job & have to keep up with it. You cannot be dressing up like lady Gaga but want people to see you like Carol Bauwer. Lady Gaga will always pull-off her fashion sense under any circumstances because she’s got a vision behind it that you don’t know about. Who you are and the type of personality you want to portray should be your number one fashion style.
We always land on the same ‘following’ trap in relationships too. Some men get top ratings from ladies & get considered for a date simply because of their past relationship partners – “He used to date Basetsana Kumalo” - you’d hear us say; forgetting that Basetsana’s requirements for a partner may not be necessarily the same as yours.
Another danger that I find with most ladies in relationships is that they conduct their affairs following other people’s visions. Women always complain about similar issues in relationships to a point where they even conclude that their situations are the same. I believe that we all want different things from relationships; they may be similar but can never be the same. You might not be bothered by a man who does ballet dancing for example; probably you met him at ballet classes & fell in love with him. However, the fact that society does not recognise men doing ballet & men playing rugby the same suddenly makes you hate what you initially loved about your man. This immediately creates confusion for you because you immediately focus in what people don’t like about him to a point that you living past what you personally loved. In worst cases females even sacrifice their happiness in relationships & block true love from their men as long as society is happy about the picture they see of them together.
The fact that your girlfriend’s man holds her hand in public does not necessary mean your man loves you any less if he does not do the same. Maybe recognise what type of a relationship you are in & if it’s not the type of romance you’d like – move on; and if you are married – you have made your choice, you should have identified this as important to you & made sure that you get a man like that. It’s normal to like small romantic gestures from other couples but you need to be mindful of what works for you and your man – don’t lose focus. Things get even difficult where it’s only you who doesn’t ‘hold hands’ in your circle of friends but as an innovator – this will assure you that you are indeed different from the rest but as a follower – you’ll get frustrated & start wanting what is not in your chosen menu. The art of getting someone to do what you want them to do is because they wanted to do it.
Differentiating yourself from the rest leaves a trail. Similar people are recognised by their groups because they blend together; but a distinct person is always remembered as an individual – that’s what I call leaving a trail.
Until next time – stay different!
Tamara Booi
Is the fact that society reserved a second place for us than that of men making us to think every area of our lives should be a copy? Or is it by chance that you find yourself thinking about what has been thought of? Doing what has been done!
It is possible that your passion is in motivational speaking, but are you going to talk about HIV & AIDS as well? What will make you stand out? Following where you think the path may lead might not necessarily land you there. It may land you on an island in the middle of no where and as a follower you may fail because chances are - you won’t be seeing any footsteps to follow. On the other hand, an innovator on the island will meet another opportunity & run with it.
Same thing happens to the way we dress. Fashion TV is there to be watched & fashion magazines are there to advertise current styles and trends. Celebrities are on the job & have to keep up with it. You cannot be dressing up like lady Gaga but want people to see you like Carol Bauwer. Lady Gaga will always pull-off her fashion sense under any circumstances because she’s got a vision behind it that you don’t know about. Who you are and the type of personality you want to portray should be your number one fashion style.
We always land on the same ‘following’ trap in relationships too. Some men get top ratings from ladies & get considered for a date simply because of their past relationship partners – “He used to date Basetsana Kumalo” - you’d hear us say; forgetting that Basetsana’s requirements for a partner may not be necessarily the same as yours.
Another danger that I find with most ladies in relationships is that they conduct their affairs following other people’s visions. Women always complain about similar issues in relationships to a point where they even conclude that their situations are the same. I believe that we all want different things from relationships; they may be similar but can never be the same. You might not be bothered by a man who does ballet dancing for example; probably you met him at ballet classes & fell in love with him. However, the fact that society does not recognise men doing ballet & men playing rugby the same suddenly makes you hate what you initially loved about your man. This immediately creates confusion for you because you immediately focus in what people don’t like about him to a point that you living past what you personally loved. In worst cases females even sacrifice their happiness in relationships & block true love from their men as long as society is happy about the picture they see of them together.
The fact that your girlfriend’s man holds her hand in public does not necessary mean your man loves you any less if he does not do the same. Maybe recognise what type of a relationship you are in & if it’s not the type of romance you’d like – move on; and if you are married – you have made your choice, you should have identified this as important to you & made sure that you get a man like that. It’s normal to like small romantic gestures from other couples but you need to be mindful of what works for you and your man – don’t lose focus. Things get even difficult where it’s only you who doesn’t ‘hold hands’ in your circle of friends but as an innovator – this will assure you that you are indeed different from the rest but as a follower – you’ll get frustrated & start wanting what is not in your chosen menu. The art of getting someone to do what you want them to do is because they wanted to do it.
Differentiating yourself from the rest leaves a trail. Similar people are recognised by their groups because they blend together; but a distinct person is always remembered as an individual – that’s what I call leaving a trail.
Until next time – stay different!
Tamara Booi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)