Often we so attracted to familiar things – famous professions, tackling same concepts, on roads that have been travelled & discusing topics that are exhausted. I am not sure if this is because it is easier to do ‘corrections’ on someone else’s work? Perhaps we need some mind triggers to get ground work? Or we are just too lazy & enjoy the thrill of clustered competition? Maybe we are just simple followers rather than innovators!
Is the fact that society reserved a second place for us than that of men making us to think every area of our lives should be a copy? Or is it by chance that you find yourself thinking about what has been thought of? Doing what has been done!
It is possible that your passion is in motivational speaking, but are you going to talk about HIV & AIDS as well? What will make you stand out? Following where you think the path may lead might not necessarily land you there. It may land you on an island in the middle of no where and as a follower you may fail because chances are - you won’t be seeing any footsteps to follow. On the other hand, an innovator on the island will meet another opportunity & run with it.
Same thing happens to the way we dress. Fashion TV is there to be watched & fashion magazines are there to advertise current styles and trends. Celebrities are on the job & have to keep up with it. You cannot be dressing up like lady Gaga but want people to see you like Carol Bauwer. Lady Gaga will always pull-off her fashion sense under any circumstances because she’s got a vision behind it that you don’t know about. Who you are and the type of personality you want to portray should be your number one fashion style.
We always land on the same ‘following’ trap in relationships too. Some men get top ratings from ladies & get considered for a date simply because of their past relationship partners – “He used to date Basetsana Kumalo” - you’d hear us say; forgetting that Basetsana’s requirements for a partner may not be necessarily the same as yours.
Another danger that I find with most ladies in relationships is that they conduct their affairs following other people’s visions. Women always complain about similar issues in relationships to a point where they even conclude that their situations are the same. I believe that we all want different things from relationships; they may be similar but can never be the same. You might not be bothered by a man who does ballet dancing for example; probably you met him at ballet classes & fell in love with him. However, the fact that society does not recognise men doing ballet & men playing rugby the same suddenly makes you hate what you initially loved about your man. This immediately creates confusion for you because you immediately focus in what people don’t like about him to a point that you living past what you personally loved. In worst cases females even sacrifice their happiness in relationships & block true love from their men as long as society is happy about the picture they see of them together.
The fact that your girlfriend’s man holds her hand in public does not necessary mean your man loves you any less if he does not do the same. Maybe recognise what type of a relationship you are in & if it’s not the type of romance you’d like – move on; and if you are married – you have made your choice, you should have identified this as important to you & made sure that you get a man like that. It’s normal to like small romantic gestures from other couples but you need to be mindful of what works for you and your man – don’t lose focus. Things get even difficult where it’s only you who doesn’t ‘hold hands’ in your circle of friends but as an innovator – this will assure you that you are indeed different from the rest but as a follower – you’ll get frustrated & start wanting what is not in your chosen menu. The art of getting someone to do what you want them to do is because they wanted to do it.
Differentiating yourself from the rest leaves a trail. Similar people are recognised by their groups because they blend together; but a distinct person is always remembered as an individual – that’s what I call leaving a trail.
Until next time – stay different!
Tamara Booi
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