Good Character or Good Reputation?

Lately I have been coming across a lot of inspiring prominent South African women who have appalling characters. This for me; takes everything away from them because I personally do not believe that these two qualities can authentically exist without the other. Obviously I realize this is debatable – which is why I’m writing about it.

There is a saying that goes “A good name will shine forever” People further support this by believing that your name and who you are (status) will speak for you, open life doors for you & who cares about your character! Females once again are more likely the ones to lose characters as they climb higher – I’m yet to find out why. Women are being exposed to awesome opportunities but are penetrating slowly because they concentrate on carrying high reputations more and are dropping good characters on the way.

It is very sad when you realize that our sisters are willing to sacrifice their good characters just to have a high profiled man. A man that will give her status; take her to high profiled events to middle with high profiled people. I am a woman who believes in grabbing every opportunity coming your way. If the above is by all means an opportunity for you towards your dream – grab it, but please take your values with!

Sisters would even lose memory of those they used to hang out with! They will be on some “Do I know you” “You look very familiar” “I can’t hear you, I’ll call you back”. I know ladies who come from the bucolic side of their towns who all of a sudden come from the big cities. This clearly implies that your high class reputation cannot be associated with rural areas. Ironically though; those rural areas were able to raise a character that was able to go to the world and conquer. All that is expected of the conqueror was to nurture that instilled character and put the village name on the map.

Your reputation is so heavy in your mouth that you can’t even say hello to the person next to you.

I admire the likes of Nkhensani Nkosi; Khanyi Dhlomo who are doing very well for themselves but have their feet firm on the ground.

I can’t say much about a good reputation because I believe that reputation is for the world to see & for one to be fulfilled but; a good character keeps one grounded & is what the unseen world sees.

I accept that certain lifestyles, life interests, friends may shape towards your current status but; I totally do not agree with the change in primary values especially the value of Ubuntu.

To a certain degree the world is becoming “who can do what for me” – understandably so because they say you are likely to become like those you surround yourself with. However; I believe that a sustainable reputation should stand on a concrete base of good character. A reputation is fragile; but a character will stand the test of time.

Abraham Lincoln once wrote – “Character is the tree & Reputation is the shadow”! Our character is not what we do to show others, it is what we constantly do even when the world is asleep. Everyone has a character – people sometimes thing a person either has or doesn’t have character; you’d often hear them say “She has a character”. It is either bad or good, but everyone has a character. It is in one’s religion, personality, values and beliefs.

In my opinion therefore; she who loses those characteristics of a good character over a life shade called reputation is lost!

Most of us ladies do not understand the significance of good character; we are on the chase for good reputations to a point that we live past our good characters. Forgetting that a good character is a foundation of true success; you might have money, position or power but if you have a bad character – I personally do not consider you truly successful.

A bad character can actually damage good relationships in your life, even have a negative impact on those you consider reputable in your life. A bad character influences your responses towards life; which may lead to you taking bad decisions on good opportunities.

I believe that a good character determines one’s response regardless of the circumstances!

Ladies, is it more important that we focus on building our good reputations more than we do for our characters?





Tamara Booi

Uncover your purpose!

Are you independent; educated; have a partner who adores you & a family who loves you the most but still vacant inside?

People often say successful, single and independent women are empty within as they need a partner to fill that hole in their souls. Opinions further claim that housewives in wealthy marriages are also empty inside as their emotional needs are generally not met. To some degree these opinions can be true but I have got a different view on this.

I am yet to meet a driven career woman who is filled by just having a partner by her side; or a housewife that is filled by emotional security having no clue on how she will pay her household bills!

Ladies; we are all on earth to serve a purpose and every single individual has got a unique purpose in life. If being single and career driven is what you enjoy – it is probably your purpose - recognize that and embrace it. The same goes for those that enjoy being at home, raising kids & running their homes. Do not get confused by what people think should be your purpose; only you knows what you really enjoy doing.

Knowing your purpose can eliminate a lot of bad relationships and can decrease the high divorce rates. It can also boost the level of service in our country & the quality of expertise in many industries. Just because your friend is an advocate & you’ve got the means to go and get that profession does not necessary mean you will make it as an advocate – because it’s not your purpose. You can be the worst advocate in town & add to a list of qualified infertile advocates in our country.

Our parents taught most of us that marriage is a reputable goal for every woman; and I agree. However, what most left out is the ability to choose a marriage that you will best serve. What are you saying now Tamara? A career driven woman may not best serve an emotionally empty partner. Marriage for these two might be difficult to maintain as individual needs may not be fully met. For a career woman; it may always be about the bigger picture – how much they can achieve in life & the kind of lifestyle they can enjoy. For a poignant 8-5 partner in this scenario; the world cannot move on without the inner satisfaction desired by the heart. Now, would you be serving this marriage best? I don’t think so – as you would be trying to serve someone else’s purpose. One would say it’s all about compromise, but you can be able to efficiently exercise compromise on a solid foundation - where both parties share similar goals. In my opinion; even those who are serving their purpose in their partnerships will have to compromise somehow but compromise may be rather difficult where one doesn't even relate to why he/she's being compromised.

Society has got all the opinions on what a woman is suppose to do & how, break that stereo-type and discover your true purpose. Know what you like, do it & enjoy the fruits that come with that; because you can only excel when you are doing what you enjoy. You were created to serve a certain purpose; just because it’s so unique from those of your peers does not necessary mean it is wrong.

You might be constantly failing on your personal growth, career & relationships just because you are busy trying to be someone you are not. Unleash who you truly are and start living accordingly!



Tamara Booi

Avoid having too much Spare Time!

Every human being needs a ‘do without’ time every now and then; but too much of it can result in some evil spirits such as: boredom, vice, immorality & need.

Ladies, this is one of the hazards towards our mental health and personal growth. Give your body the rest it requires but the minute you feel you are knocking at “wonderland’s” door you should know that you are bored. Boredom can make you do a lot of foolish things – like phoning your ex’s; stalking your partner & even stalking other women’s partners. According to SAP stats, boredom is also counted amongst results for crime by young people. It is also mentioned in stats of infidelity in relationships.

Too much spare time may also be a result of your comfort in what you know. You don’t feel the need to know more; which may result in you staying junior – psychologically & intellectually.

It is also alleged that too much spare time result in immorality. Behaviors like sexual obsession; excessive masturbation; rape; sexual illusion; wickedness & dishonesty.

Lastly; the most common evil spirit in women resulted from too much spare time is feeling needy. This has damaged a lot of good relationships that most women have. Do you always feel that your partner has to be with you all the time? Do you always get frustrated if your man wants to go & do things without you? Do you always notice & complain about petty faults in your relationship? Do you always want to be called, assured that you are loved, notice the difference between 17h30 and 17h35? Are you always available?

Ladies; it is important that a woman has an agenda for every single day. Even if you park by the beach & have ice-cream by yourself. Women turn to think that at 5 o’clock its when our mental activities stop. We have got so much talents that we don’t know about because we busy thinking that other people are suppose to complete us.

Take on a new sport; join a book club; take lessons on a different language; go for cooking lessons; figure out your other talents; be active at your church & a whole lot of other things that may interest you. Fill up your schedule with exciting activities. Break the work-home-eat-sleep routine!

You will be amazed how this will create a satisfying feeling of self ownership and having to sleep knowing where you invested your daily time. Your comments on the social networks will be about what you’ve done or learnt for the day & less of what you are wearing & how sleepy you feel. You will also realize how attractive you are...all of a sudden... An unavailable woman increases the urge to chase in men.

When you do find those things that interests you; be ready to be stingy with your time. Some people who still have too much spare time can make you lose focus; do not tolerate mediocrity. Tolerating mediocrity in others increases the mediocrity in you. Learn to say “no”; practice saying “I will have to meet you after my choir practice”. If one really wants to see you, he will respect your time. The way we are so needy of other people especially men; it’s like they going out of fashion; need to get them while stock last. Forgetting that men don’t lose sight of their attraction; if you are the one he will sure be at the gate waiting for you after your hockey practice.

Stop the nag & Get busy!



Tamara Booi

Future in the Stars but Feet on the Ground!

We run a very busy life – some are juggling more than one job; we have hectic schedules and tight dead-lines. Somehow we do manage to find time and catch-up with ourselves - like weekends away with loved ones; weekends at home playing with the kids; girls’ nights out with friends. However; are we putting enough efforts in nurturing our roots?

When was the last time you went home to your parents just to pay a visit? You may be lucky enough to be able to support your parents financially every month; but the last time you laid eyes on them was two years ago. You might be married; and yes your primary role is to be there for your immediate family but do you know what your mother ate last night? You may be calling your parents every time you hit a rough patch or require financial assistance but do you ever call or visit just to listen to their problems?

When was the last time you shared a simple birthday cake with your parents? It may sound ridiculous to book a JHB-EL flight just to share a birthday cake with your parents. However; no price of any flight will ever match-up to such fulfillment nor erase those beautiful memories. You are probably busy this year, like any other year planning to go and spend Christmas with your family but that trip overseas will take first preference again!

It is simpler to just invite your parents to your lovely home rather than going to them and having to adjust. However; I believe having your foot home on your ancestry soil is what keeps you grounded. Having to watch those kids running up & down the streets, making tea for every neighbor coming in, the tranquil, even the ordinary cooked meals are what make you appreciate life even more. They give you endurance to come back and strive for more.

The unfortunate by-product of life is that we are not given a chance to restore what has conceded. The years you are allowing to pass with your feet in the air may be the best years of your life with family. Make time for your family & be blessed. Encourage your spouse to do the same because if he’s direction-less where this is concerned – that makes the two of you!

Make that future shine with the stars; but it might be wise that your feet remain on the ground.




Tamara Booi

The Power of Money!

I don’t think there is one person on earth who does not like money; understandably so because it really is part of our daily lives. The food we eat, clothes we wear, roofs over our heads & a whole lot of other things are possible with money.

I am happy that a lot of women today understand that money is important in our lives and are working hard in making it. This is making us – the current generation stand out from the past generations that had no basis to understand the power of money.

Having worshiped money above; I have realized that it has got so much power to an extent that one would lose her values/beliefs/standards over it. I am bringing this topic on a women's blog because based on my findings – females are the ones who are likely to lose themselves for money. Some of the reasons behind this “loss of self” by women are justified; but is it how it should be or we just don’t care much about our principles. One friend of mine once said to me “Principles don’t pay bills”.

Do you find that you were raised in a certain way but are living differently all in the name of money? Are you sleeping with a man that you don’t even know the color of his eyes because you can’t even look at him – you are just “on a job” with him? Another woman I know once said – “How disgusting is an old flabby man with veins on top you – you feel like throwing up!” She clearly did not like the picture she created for her eyes; but it was taking care of her chosen lifestyle for sure.

Women are stuck in unloving, abusive relationships because the men in power are making their lives easier with money. Wives are happy with marriages with little or no respect & their men are getting away with bad behavior as they ‘pay’ their ways around. You are being cheated on repeatedly by your partner with little or no remorse for it & money is fixing this for you. You constantly in receipt of foul talks that are brushed-off with what you need - Money.

Are we so caught up in material things to a point that our morals & integrity are meaningless to us? Is enjoying someone else's money more important than your health? You will sure get this comfortable lifestyle but it will be accompanied by diseases.

You are probably a product of single parenting but you are willing to conceive a married man’s child because of money – SAD.

Ladies; men's power lies with money but ours is in values. If you lose your values you are nothing as a woman, it does not matter how much money you make. You might even end up being nothing to the man you are willing to lose them for!

Understand your self-worth, demand respect, and insist on a healthy lifestyle. View money as a blessing on you & thank your God for it.

Let no man steal Power from you!




Tamara Booi

Who's stepping on who's toes?

Mother in-law or Daughter in-law?

This relationship ranks amongst the most difficult relationships to maintain. In most cases this relationship gets sour as the two parties get to know each other but recently; these two just don’t get along from the word go. The stories I hear from married women about their relationships with their Mother-in-laws are alarming. 95% of married women I meet tell negative stories about their mother in-laws.

I believe that there is a root for each problem and to treat a symptom you need to know the cause – who is stepping on whose toes?

All relationships have individual dynamics; they break and are recovered, they get lost & are reformed. However, this particular one seems not to shape in a similar manner. One woman said to me that her mother in-law hates her to a point that when one enters the room the other leaves! What’s daunting though is the fact that these two women share one thing in common – love for the same man!

This one common factor that these two women share could be the same aspect that can bring about change to this issue. In mathematics, my favorite problem to solve was when certain answers were given (which clearly tells you that I was not that great)i.e. (if z=x-y where x=10 and y=4 what is z + y?). I look at the mother/daughter in-law situation the same way. In order for these two to get along, they need to know and understand their positions/roles first (z) before they can be able to know what to do when & how. When this is done, no one should try and play the other one’s role – it’s not yours!

To the Daughter in-law:

**She is his Mother, you will never be!
**No matter how much you respect your man, if you don’t respect his Mother you will lose out.
**You are not her biological daughter-it’s a fact, don’t look for a biological mother in her-she is your mother in-law! This doesn’t mean she loves you any less.
**Let her ask money from his son, not from you! Would you like it when your Mom is unable to ask money from you – be realistic & selfless?
**Hating your mother in-law is putting the man that you love in a complicated position which will complicate your marriage.

To the Mother in-law:

•She is his Wife, you will never be!
•Hating your son’s choice is a direct reflection on your failure to infuse the proper abilities for him to choose your ideal wife.
•She is trying to build her own family, not to revamp the one you had – know your place.
•Ask for money when you in need. The fact that you raised him doesn’t mean he owes you his life back, you are his mother, you HAD to – he did not ask to be born.
•Stay away until you are asked to help & when your help is requested, try and help the marriage not your son.

Ladies, are we playing our roles in this saga, or are we busy rapped around the other party’s roles? Do we want this relationship to work or is it a recurring virus – “it never worked for our parents; it cannot work for us” kind of situation?




Tamara Booi