Sophisticated Prostitution

Today marks the first day of the Women’s month.  As we enjoy the events that will be happening across the country, I would like every woman to think morality. 

Sexual intercourse between older men and young girls is becoming a norm in our society.  I would like to think this behaviour is not knew however, it is becoming more acceptable.  I am not too sure if these are negative trails of our freedom or we are just becoming a generation of experiments.  What is more shocking is the pride that accompanies this immoral demeanour.

The other day I was watching an investigative program on TV that interviewed teenagers on their sexual relations with older man AKA “Sugar Daddies”.  I really wanted to understand where they were coming from with their reasons for their chosen lifestyle.  What did not sit in well with my process of understanding though was the fact that they felt it fitting to tell the world.  Another program on our TV screens showed a number of young girls proudly admitting on national television that they are sexually involved with one man.

The main reason or motive of these irregular relationships is money/financial assistance.  From what I have gathered, there’s a very small number to non that exists because of love.  These girls are prepared to allow these men to vandalise their purity in exchange for cash and gifts.  It was so sad to realize that; a mere R300 can get a man to sleep with a young girl in South Africa.

The culprits of these behaviours comes in different groups.  You get the teenage group that is often victims of this exploitation.  A majority of them come from disadvantaged backgrounds and broken homes.  Now if you look at this from a psychological point of view, you will realize that there are underlying problems that these teenagers are going through.  Growing up without a Father or any Father figure for example can make a girl fall for an older man.  The attraction she’s got for this older man may not necessarily be a sexual attraction.  It’s an underlying desire for the unknown that is often received with misunderstanding and selfish interests by a mature man.  Most young girls unfortunately fall for this, as sexual encounters are often complemented by an illusion of a real relationship.  The disgust they feel afterwards is somewhat healed by a shower of gifts and money.    

Then you get mature women who consciously choose to date older married men.  What is appalling from this group is the short-sighted thinking they have.  They are also often driven by financial security from these older men.  Another lady once said “I just need to get there and get over and done with” “I can’t let him go now, my salary still can’t cover all my expenses”.  As God is the only judge, I therefore cannot judge these women.  Firstly, one never knows how tight the shoe is until you fit it on.  Having said that, my concern is; the mature group that is ‘transacting’ consciously is unconsciously promoting this way of life.  Some are really in tight corners but some are just plain lazy and wants older self-established men to take care of them.  The notion of solving the symptoms will never solve the actual problem. 

If this thinking carries on, I see no growth in the community of women where financial independence is concerned.  Are we encouraging a generation of women looking for older rich men as opposed to jobs?  Women are enjoying assets that are not truly theirs, what happens if the relationship ends?  Are you going to start thinking of going to finish that degree at 35?  Chances are you won’t!  You do not know the fulfilment that comes from building something for yourself.  The next easiest thing for you to do would be to look for another cash cow, and so goes the cycle.

Some ladies have kids that they are raising in the mist of these “transactions”.  One would argue that she is doing what she has to do to raise her children.  All good and well for the now, but have you ever stopped and thought of the possible psychological damage you are causing to your child? 

Life is tough and has no clear cuts but giving your body in exchange for quick cash can never be the only solution, especially with the HIV/Aids statistics in South Africa.  Most men can do just about anything to get a ‘no strings attached’ sex, with you or the next available woman down the road.  However, a man will often opt for a woman he’s never even touched to be his wife.  Let us stop creating sex objects for these men and degrading our value in the process.  Yes you will ‘transact’, but with every ‘transaction’ goes a piece of your soul. 

Until next time, take pride in yourself!  

Happy Women's Month!  

Tamara

FRIENDSHIPs

Growing up at my Granny’s house, friendships were never encouraged at home period. One or two friends were tolerated, but a group of friends was just not acceptable. We never got to understand why having friends can be such a problem. I grew up with a lot of cousins – boys and girls. My Granny used to say we are too many, we don’t need friends. As I recall, my Mom had only one friend. Seeing an adult having friends was just taboo for me (Umntu omdala oneTshomi haybo!). When I left my Granny’s house for High School, it was crazy. I was in a group of hyper-active teenage friends and this made me nervous. I befriended all but I allowed only one into my space. At this stage I was staying with my Aunt who was a Teacher. This Teacher of an Aunt was also raised by my Granny, so she had the same ‘idea’ about friends. If you are bored, you were expected to go to your room and read a book. If you get tired of reading a book, you must go to my Aunt and tell her all about the book or write down what you think the book says. When I got to Varsity, with my limited social skills I managed to make four friends and that was great!


So I entered adulthood with four friends and in my world, this was normal. Infact sometimes they also felt like they too many. Things changed when I met my husband. The guy had friends to fill a Golden Arrow bus! Infact, generally my new family had a different idea about friendships. This was an important part of their lives. We would visit my Mom-in-law and she’d be asking where some of my husband’s high school friends were, and encourage reunions or offer visits to her famous Sunday lunch feasts. I would sit there and hold my chair tight in shock, this was unheard of! A mere family braai for us would just turn into a huge party. My husband’s friends would come like they off a Metrorail train. I knew right there and then that I had to do something about my issues with lots of friends. I started teaching myself about friends, type of friends and friendships in a nutshell.

I gathered that friendships are important in your life. Like how I was raised, one just needs to be careful of who is in one’s life and how to manage your space around them. I learnt that you can have as many friends as life allows or what people call acquaintances, but you need to have a minimum of close friends. I also gathered that there are different types of close friends, some you need and some you just don’t need in your life. Therefore, I would like to discuss my findings about friends.

Friends you need:

1. The Pal
This friend is generally your age group. You just seem to click and see life pretty much the same. There’s seldom exchange of heavy life conversations with this friend. You need her to just relax your mind and have fun. This is often a sport buddy, drinking buddy or partying buddy.


2. The Childhood friend
This is someone you grew up with. You know her when she would wipe her noise with her fist. Most of the time; you know and are close to each other’s families. You share great simple memories. This friend keeps you grounded.

3. The Mature friend
This doesn’t necessarily mean this friend is older than you. She may be young but she is more mature than you. It may be what she’s already experienced in life or she is just mentally ahead of you biological. You need this friend for direction and wisdom.


4. The Cheerleader

This friend loves everything about you. You are almost her role model. She is not jealous about your achievements. She is the first to tell the world what you just achieved. When you achieve, it almost feels like she has achieved too. She is your fan. Most of the time, this friend is not really interested to follow your career path. You don’t threaten her; you are just a simple inspiration. You need this friend for motivation. Especially when the going gets tough; in her world, there’s nothing you can’t do.


5. The Best friend
This is your companion, your confidant. You trust this friend with sensitive information. She knows your flaws and is not judgemental. You fight but you never blackmail each other. She understands you. She is clear of the fact that you are not perfect. She gives you advice when you need one. You need this friend to maintain a level of sanity.


6. The Opinionated/Vocal friend
This friend does not mince her words. She tells you straight when you are in the wrong or when you are lost. She does not buy faces. This is a friend that would say “No I know Tamara, she’ll never say that about someone, maybe you misunderstood her”. This friend doesn’t have time to badmouth others, she just tells the truth. You may not like her much because she is no “Miss Popular” but you need her. This is a friend that will encourage you to listen to your gut feel or exercise your conscious.


7. The Optimistic Friend
Nothing is ever impossible with this one - if you can think it, you can do it. She is forever thinking and talking about ways to better her life. This friend doesn’t have time for mediocre minds. She is very inspired, sometimes a little too much. You need this friend for inspiration, strength and moving life. There is no dull moment with an optimistic friend.


Now, the above discussion does not necessarily mean you have to have six close friends. One close friend can have two of the above qualities. Let’s have a look at what you don’t need in your life.


Friends you DONT need:

1. Emotional drainer/Pessimistic Friend
When you leave this friend, you always feel something heavy on your shoulders. This is generally someone who is negative. She blames everything and everyone for her loses or things that are not going well in her life. She is forever despondent, very little motivates her. She is quick to point out the wrongs more than she can realize what is going right in her life. You don’t need this friend; she’ll forever pull you down.


2. The overly Jealous Friend
We know that everyone is born with jealous, but an overly jealous friend is bad for you. This friend takes competing with you very seriously. She can do almost ANYTHING to be above you. She is never truly happy with your achievements. She pretends a lot and often mistaken for a best friend. Most of the time, this kind of friend is in your life to get something out. She is all about proving you not that good after all. She is very dangerous because she pretends a lot and often spotted when she has already damaged the friendship. This is a type of friend that wants exactly what the friends have. At times, this is a friend that can marry your husband or go out with your boyfriend. A true Best friend will never marry your husband, but an overly jealous friend pretending to be your best friend will. This friend is just a disaster waiting to happen, if you spot her run!


3. The Possessive Friend
This friend has a psychological problem. Sometimes we are not in friendship to rescue friends from their troubled personal lives. A very few people have time to understand the behaviours of others. Generally, we are just an intolerant people. The possessed friend just wants you to herself. She doesn’t want you to befriend others and takes this as a very serious offense. She will do ANYTHING to “protect” you including fighting your own battles. She doesn’t know when to draw the line and always in trouble for wanting to be on your side. This type of friend is one who will forever hate your partner for mistreating you, even when the both of you have kissed and made up. You don’t need this friend; she will complicate your life.


4. The Journalist
This one shame can’t help her self. Her day is almost not fulfilled if she doesn’t talk about your issues to others. She is a messenger of people’s problems. If you confined in her, rest assured that the rest of your circle of friends will know by tomorrow. She finds joy and fulfilment in talking about others. As a result; if you think about it, you don’t know anything going on in her life because she doesn’t have time to engage about her self. She is fun to be around with but hey, don’t be fooled. You know, there are people who will make reference about others to make you realize you not alone in a particular challenge. However, this one has random stories to tell. She does no referencing, she is just a reporter. This is a poison, a manipulator - run.

5. The Sponge
This friend has got no time for your needs, its all about what she needs. This friend is more like a Cheerleader but her intensions have bad motives. She does not stick around with people she will not benefit from. The Sponge is the type of friend that will borrow money and never pay it back, borrow your clothes and never return them. She is always under the impression that you are in a good space and she is in need. This friend does not stop to think that actually, others also need help. She is always weak and requires others to be strong for her. This friend will suck you dry, you don’t need her.

Socially, it is psychologically proven that one needs friends. However; you need to safe-guard your life with good friends.

Until next time; stay friendly.

Tamara Booi

Yes We Can!

“The world is full of non-political struggles that can not be publicly governed or ruled by votes.  Pick one and do something about it.”  - Tamara Booi

South Africa celebrates the youth during the month of June. This calendar celebration was born by the deaths of school children in Soweto on the 16 of June 1976. The youth of ’76 organized a march protesting Bantu Education and other apartheid laws. Sadly, their mere cry for oppression cost them their lives at very tender ages. Our political history teaches us how orderly and united was the youth of apartheid era. The youth of today is constantly referred and or compared to the youth of ’76. Rightfully so, the behaviours and attitudes of the current generation is generally appalling.


In this article I want to point out the great difference between today’s youth and the youth of ’76, which in my opinion makes the two groups rather complex to compare. South Africa during the struggle of land and humanity was BLACK & WHITE – literally. Our people were fighting towards ONE enormous goal, to free the country from apartheid. If you take time and engage with past comrades; follow documentaries and read books on the state of society back then, especially that of a black person; you will realize that life for a black person was all about fighting to be a human being. Our communities rarely had what’s considered a ‘proper’ family – a home that consists of a Mother, Father and kids living together. Our fathers were sent underground to be trained for wars and some were in exile. Every individual during this time was in a fighting mode. Almost like, every possible career was towards achieving this one goal.

Thank you to the likes of Tata Nelson Mandela (who is currently fighting for his life at Pretoria Heart Hospital) and his comrades, the goal was eventually achieved. A black person is FREE, A black person has OPTIONS and A black person has a VOICE today. As a youth after 1994, you are considered to be struggling no more. Or atleast your struggles are nothing close to what the youth before got to experience. You can go to any school you like; stay in any place you wish; share with the white folk; hire a white folk as a domestic, personal assistant or just as your ‘pappet’* – which were black people’s jobs during apartheid. Black people now own businesses and are participating in the economy of the country. In my opinion, all of these options at their desposal is exactly the problem.

Without making any excuses for the behaviours of our youth, the two youth groups can never be fairly compared. The struggles we are fighting are completely different. Our state of minds, living circumstances and economical advantages are parallel. With all due respect to the freedom fighters, the youth of today is fighting not only one struggle but many. We are fighting for maximum benefits in our economic freedom. The youth is fighting struggles of ‘expectations’. When the country was to be freed from apartheid, people expected to find jobs after college. People expected to run successful profitable businesses that are fully backed up by Government. People expected to have access to basic human needs like clean water. For example, there are still villages that still wait for the rain to drink water and still go to the river to do laundry. The youth of today is faced with the ungodly struggle of greed. The Government releases funds to facilitate projects towards basic needs to the people, and the project just vanish in the hands of not so “youth” individuals.  The youth is faced with the struggle of 'managing' freedom!

One thing that people should understand, the country has no particular BLACK & WHITE goal to achieve. The youth is fighting individual, cultural and organisational struggles which may have less to no significance to the not so clear vision of South Africa. In 1976 the vision of this country was clear; we wanted a Democratic Country that is led by a majority Government. The elders were clear in their mission execution hence the youth followed their leaders with the same frame of mind.

The youth should never be discouraged by this comparison, in my opinion, it is not thought through. Keep fighting in your little corners and achieve your goals as per your country’s presentation. Respect and trust your leaders to lead you. Do not be despondent, keep voting! Remember, that is what the apartheid generation fought for - To be able to vote. If you do not vote because you are unhappy, trust me, you will not be happy by not voting. Try and focus your energies in giving freedom to those who are still not free even after 19yrs of liberty. I am talking about the people in townships and villages who are still dying because they could not reach the nearest hospital in time.  The kids that still walk long distances bare foot to get to the nearest school. I am talking about those kids who are orphaned by HIV & AIDS.  The people who are sitting with no diagnosis, spreading TB cough in rural areas. If you are able and can, school a child. Let’s take ownership of our country as individuals, let those who are put to lead do their job. Do your part to a point that when they look down, they feel nothing but shame if they fail the country.

The US first Black President, Barak Obama will be in South Africa on Friday on his Africa visit. In his words I say – YES WE CAN!

Until next time, UNITY is POWER!

Tamara Booi

Private or Public Schooling for your child?

Caught in the rut of Private/Public schooling, or need to make an informed decision based on facts?

Like any other Parent who would like to give her child the best of education, I am constantly finding myself thinking and wanting more clear justifications on Private Schools as opposed to Public former 'Model C' schooling.  I am currently concerned about how we get to opt for either of the two.  Are the decisions we make based on what will be best for our children or is mainly about the 'images' we want to potray.

A lot of middle class parents who are working hard to live better lives than that of their parents are found to be making most major decisions based on affordability.  Understandably so, if when growing up there was always only a bottle of tap water in your home fridge, you will want to make sure that your child has different options of cheese when he/she opens your fridge door.  I am no different to this!  I have made a lot of life sacrifices to be where I am and to have what I have.  When my son cries CHEESE, I ask which one!  The same shall go for his education.  However, maturity, information and exposure will teach you much more than just having to afford.  Why is it that you think your child should attend Private schools?  Are your reasons in-line with your values and what you hope to achieve for his/her future?  Can you outline distinct proven facts for your choice of school?  Do those distinct facts work for you?

In my research I have spoken to both Parents and kids who took and/or went to Private/Public schools.  I have friends from both worlds and I am a Parent who has a child that goes to a Private creche.  My son is Four and has been going to a Private creche since the age of Two, I still cannot justify why we are paying so much for his 'education' at his level.  I have gathered that there are no clear cuts to this.  It is really about what you think works for you.  Both Private and Public Schools have their pros and cons.  The final product really greatly depends on the actual charecter of your child.

Now looking at the obvious major differences between Public and Private Schools.  Private Schools boasts smaller classes, that immediately makes a Parent comfortable that the child will get individual attention.  The curriculum is based and advanced on relevant life requirements.  We cannot fault the administration excellence and specialized teachers, extra curriculum add-ons to stimulate all types of kids.  The advanced well-taken care of fascilities like: Sports, Libraries etc.  Most kids that goes to Private schools come from affluent backgrounds, therefore your child has an option to create a great network that will assist him/her in the future.  As the saying goes, you are likely to become what you sorround yourself with the most.  You must note that I said your child has an OPTION to create the network, one should not be illusioned that this WILL be the case.  Like I said earlier, as a Parent - you do what you think you need to do and hope for the best end product. 

On the other hand, Public Schools have larger classes.  Teachers at these schools need to be twice as good and very determined to bring out the best in each and every child in a big class.  As a kid in a big class, you need to stand out on your own.  As a result of this, I'd personally suggest that if you have a child that absorbs slowly, that should be a reason for you to take him/her to a Private school more than the mere fact that you can afford.  Curriculum at Public Schools is influence by Government and that sometimes keep our Public Schools behind.  Former "Model C" Public schools are constantly fighting to keep a minimum number of students in classes but black people backed up by their Government are making this very difficult to achieve. 

Late last year my family lost my Aunt.  Her son had to move schools and go stay with his big sister in Cape Town.  We obviously had limited time to get him admitted at a reputable "Model C" Public school.  Taking him to just any Public School was not an option for us as we believed it would affect him somehow as he had been to "Model C" school all his life.  For the life of me, I did'nt know that If you reside in a particular area/surburb and the school near your home refuse to admit your child (especially with an unforseen reason like death), you can actually contest this and Government will order the school to enrol the child.  Now as we celebrate the fruits of our freedom, we should be mindful of our unintended contribution to a sluggish change.  Taking my example above, yes we were desperate for school and the situation was out of our control.  When you do take time to sit back and think how many other families who had a similar problem knocked at that school doors.  Meaning if good Public Schools try to maintain a minimum number in class, there will always be a challenge of late applicants with 'unforseen circumstances' backed up by Government.

If you noticed, costs are not featured in my discusion of differences above.  Again if you are well informed, you should know that high price does not necessarily equals quality.  You pay high costs at Private Schools because they are run and funded privately with no Government assistance.  They hire specialized teachers as opposed to Public Schools that employ qualified teachers.  In most Private Schools, a particular subject is taught only by a teacher who has specialized in it.  At the Public Schools on the other hand (especially schools in the townships and villages), a teacher with a teacher's diploma is trusted to teach any subject that he/she got to learn about at collage.  With all due respect to teachers, just because you learnt it at collage does'nt mean you can teach it, that will just compromise the level of your output product.  Fascilities offered at Private Schools are on par with the tuition asked.

You probably still thinking its obvious that its best for you to take your child to a Private School.  So do I.  However, I strongly believe that it is unjustifiable to pay so much for a toddler to go and sleep at creche.  In my experience, my son is no different from my friends' kids that goes to public creche.  The difference really is when you compare a creche in the village and a creche in the burb. 

On Saturday, friends invited us to their home to watch football.  It was one of my favorite gatherings - couples sessions.  I was even more happy when 'not so close' couples also came in.  I knew that it will be a very interesting evening.  As a writer, right there and then I knew football was just a facat.  We did what we do best, came in with our heads up high, holding our partners' hands like we have everything under control.  In an oldest loved fashion, men went outside by the fire and women flocked in the kitchen.  As you can guess, there was more than enough talking.  This topic about Private/Public school seem to have kept us together.  We had varying interesting opinions on why we take our kids to Private schools.  The discussions were so relevant to me as I hoped to gather more clarity on the matter.  I realized that we take little to no time to understand what goes on at Public Schools.  The mere fact that we went to Public Schools seem to compel us to do what we did not get, and in this case - going to Private Schools.  Although it was not said in words, I could see that we still have a lot of fear in us as to how people position and percieve us. 

My simple argument still stands - what do you hope to achieve when you send your toddler to Private creche?  I can understand when the child starts high school (Grade 8).  My opinion at this stage is that you have a greater chance of mutual participation in shaping the child towards a certain level of exposure and network.  I also further believes that at this stage, a child have leant to live with a variety of kids from different backgrounds which will teach him humility and tolerance.  In high school, you can niche him towards his ultimate educational goal.  Social skills are just as important as education.  I believe every Parent should strive to expose his/her child to how the world operates at large, and not allow kids to understand only people who live like them.  Obviously this is not to suggest that all Private school kids are brats, but a majority of them are.  They measure success by what their parents got to achieve, and rarely that life is about what they personally got to achieve.  I write to be corrected, but top accademics I know do not come from Private Schools.  Private schools breed I know of excel mostly in sport and ofcause their articulation and comand of the English language (if that counts for something).

Private School just because you can, or Private School because its far better than Public 'Model C' schools?  I'm very interested in your comments!

Until next time, stay vigilant!


Tamara Booi

Domestic Workers, I salute you!

If my memory serves me correctly, I am now on my 8th Domestic Employee within a space of 4 years.  The shortest duration in this four years experience was a week, and the longest by far is two years. 

In my social survey and from listening to friend's stories, this short-live sydrome of Domestic Workers is a trend.  Without blowing my own horn, personally, I am just an easy woman who strive to get along with all man kind.  So when my first employee left my house, I was sad.  I knew that there was nothing I could do to assist her to keep her job, she was just not right for that particular position and I had to let her go.  I was sad because the look in her eyes was unbearable.  I could see that she needed the job, pain and suffering written all over her face.  A first time Mother who only wanted the best for her son could not carry on with a wobbly infant-domestic relationship, I shut the door and swallowed my sympathy.

I then hired a young bubbly lady who was very instrumental in encouraging mental and physical stimulation in my son.  You would swear that she was talking to someone who willl respond to her when engaging with the child.  They would chat-up a storm, play funny games and gossip about me.  I was drawn to this, and was even willing to overlook her poor house chores excecution, if she's good with my baby-she's perfect for the job.  In my mind there was no doubt, I had found a Nanny!  While I was busy falling inlove with her, she fell inlove with a security guard at the entrance of the estate and fell pregnant.  She started getting pregnant-sick, and I was not about to keep a moody and cheeky Nanny around, so I let her go.

The one who worked for a week suffered from an undiagnosed mental breakdown.  She had moments of outbursts, when one of her moments comes, she would burst out crying like someone close to her had died!  By this time, she would drop down everything with her, including my God-damn-child!  I spoke to her family over the phone and I was told she does that and they don't know why.  That one too had to go!  Then I got a staunch Christian.  When she told me that Jesus was all she lived for, she has no friends, does'nt date, and that all she want is to be able to go to Church on Sundays and to prayer evenings once a month.  I said a silent Amen!  I thought Jesus has finally sent one of her disciples to rescure my situation.  I came back from work one Wednesday, and my son's forehead greeted me through the garage door before I could see his face.  Its an accident, it could have happened to anyone - I consoled myself.  A few days after the accident, I took time off from work and headed home early.  Drove straight to the park to see what exactly goes on there with these two.  The park has got grass, concrete is only on  path ways and the tar road off the park.  I sat there watching my one year old son playing, running on and off the park crossing the tar road to fetch his ball, and my Christian Nanny on the banch, facing the other direction and reading her bible.  She too had to go!

After that, there was no doubt in my mind that I had to employ a better recruitment strategy.  I was not about to go and pay rediculous fees Domestic Recruiters ask for, I took up the legal process myself.  I stopped allowing complete strangers into my house to take care of my child.  I drew up a contract, with all requirements from a potential demestic including the DO's and DONT's and every little detail on a daily basis.  I up'd my game on the salary offered to match my demands.  I offered certain weekends off, mid year leaves, cell phone & airtime incentives, travelling costs, UIF & annual increases.  I hired on a 3months probation period, if all worked well between me, you (as a domestic) and the contract, I would draw up a permanent contract.  I knew right there and then that I was attracting a different kind of falks.  I got my first ever one full year uninterrupted service from a very fitting lady.  We parted as I moved cities and she could not relocate with me.  I hand-made a certificate of domestic working and loyaly for her, and attached a well deserving reference letter for her future endeavours.  I am now comfortable to say, I still have the same Domestic Worker since my relocation.

As I used to be so intolerant with my Domestic workers, I used to not understand why my Mom would always suggest that I give them a chance, until one day when she laid it out for me.  Apparently my Aunt (her older sister) used to work as a Domestic and had horrible experiences.  To my horror, her employers were black people!  She was not allowed to eat their food, she'd cook her own food in the back room.  The "Madam" would take out all ingrediats, count the meat pieces and order my Aunt to cook dinner, but she will not taste her own cooking.  She would dish out, serve the family, wash dishes and go to the "maids quarters" to fix herself her own supper.  This is just one of many inhuman experiences she encountered with this family.  She was led to believe that the "Master" was not aware of this practice, so one evening she prepares dinner as usual.  She deliberately poured lots of salt into every dish, and served her employers!  By this time, she expected anything including dismissal, but wanted to make sure that the "Master" is aware of what was going on.  Shivering with anger, the "Master" calls her in with his voice at the top of his throat, he asked how she could serve food like that.  "Did you taste this food?" the "Master" asked.  "No Sir, Mam told me to never eat the food.  How embarrassed was the "Master"!  He could not believe that for all those years my Aunt worked for them, she was not eating their food.  Women can be very cruel.

Hearing this story and all the other stories my Aunt experienced, I immediately changed the way I viewed my Domestic Workers.  These women are the same as us, all they could not get to achieve is a level of education.  I have realised that they suffer a lot from psychological troubles from our bad treatments.  They leave their homes to take care of other people's homes, neglet their own children so they could raise yours.  They suffer a lot of isolation, and the least we could do is to make them feel they part of our families.  Domestic workers are the strongest women I know, they work long uncalculated hours with heavy workloads and limited rest.  Basically, a permanent live-in domestic worker is exposed to on-call work day and night.  In some cases they have lack of privacy and interference with personal space.  They are the most vulnerable employees as we hire and fire them as we please.  These ladies suffer from lack of work benefits and low incomes, considering the work they do.  We deprive them laisure time as they sit and watch our homes while we experiencing the beauties of life out there.

A friend of mine once said, "No aunty will eat stake while I also eat stake in my house, she can fry some eggs or something".  What would a piece of meat do to change her life to be like yours?  Maybe she has never eaten meat like that before, and you could be the one to make a difference in her life.  You know, there are many ways that God could bless us, and one of them is by blessing those that are out to make a change in other people's lives.  Another lady told me that she allows no visitors to her Domestic Worker.  Socially, how do you think she'll be stimulated? Or that's the least of your worries.  She needs to distress and collect enough enegies to go back to your never ending chores.  In all fairness, they can take advantage of your kindness.  However, that should not make you stop allowing her what is rightfully hers - the needs of a human being.

Invite your domestic's kids to come visit over school holidays, they need their Mother.  Let them come and experience life in your side of the world.  You might just create some inspiration and stimulate a mind that needed just that - motivation.  Sometimes we behave like if someone is poor, the mind is also poor.  Ladies, pay your Domestic Workers, they need money to raise their kids and feed their families. 

Why are you called a "Madam"?  A couple of months back I called my Nanny, and her phone was just next to me on the kitched counter, the caller was "Madam"!  I asked her to change how she has saved my number, I asked her to put 'Mama ka Songita' if she does'nt feel comfortable writing my name.  These were the names our Mothers used to call their white bosses back in the days, why do you still want to be called that?  The treatment some of us give our Domestic Workers is the same appalling treatment our Aunts and Grannies used to get from the white falks, why do you still suppress your own people?  Why is she still called a "Maid"?  These are the little things that belittle our fellow people and give them a sense of failure and unworthiness.

If these ladies had the same choices you had, they would'nt be cleaning peoples houses for a living.  These women are strong and tolerant, something we know little about - I salute them!

Until next time!


Tamara Booi