Do you feel relieved, calmer, happier and more self accepting when there is someone or something to blame for an unpleasant situation you found yourself in?
You may be blaming everything and everyone around you for the unfortunate place in your life. By definition – you are choosing to identify yourself as a victim. Being a victim feels awful and you are sure to look the part – awful. As the law of attraction suggests – as an awful-looking individual, you will attract similar people who understands how it feels to be awful and pity will be the order of your daily life.
Be able to identify abuse (in any form) and take full responsibility of your situation. The most recognized form of abuse is physical abuse. However, I believe that one suffers a lot of emotional abuse way before physical abuse take place. Staying a victim of emotional abuse is a direct application of a physical one. The first step in being ‘victim free’ is to realize that you don’t have to, and that it is a choice. If you expect to be treated badly, you WILL be treated badly. However, if you treat yourself like the fabulous goddess you are and expect only the best – people will see that in you and start treating as such. I must say it is easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It takes two things - TIME & PRACTICE. The more you refuse to be a victim, the more seriously people will take you and your boundaries.
Ladies, I’d like to share with you some of my own personal “Bill of Rights” that I believe every woman should live by:
• You have the right to make your own choices
• You have the right to follow your own values & standards, as long as you not abusive towards others
• You have the right to dignity and respect
• You have the right to ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS
• You have the right to determine and honour your priorities
• You have the right to SAY NO when you feel you are not ready, unsafe or if it violates your values
• You have a right to make mistakes and not be perfect
• You have the right to change your mind anytime
• You have the right to your personal space and time
• You have the right to be sexual & celebrate sexuality (including orgasm)
• You have the right to your own spiritual beliefs
• You have the right to joyfully receive without feeling guilty
• You have the right to be happy.
People who see themselves as victims of other people’s behaviour are at high risk of being treated badly than those who don’t see themselves that way. Be strong and empowered, don’t take abuse from anyone! Move away from phrases like – “I don’t have luck in men”; “He’s not my type”; “...coz I’m poor”; “He can’t love me because...”; “I just don’t have luck period”; “Even this one will never work”.
By not coming forward about rape or any form of physical abuse, you are choosing to be a victim forever. Not even those you dearly love (like your father or your husband) have NO right to talk down on you. Allowing this will make you believe that there’s nothing wrong in talking down on others. Peter McWilliams’ definition of a victim is – “A person to whom life happens”. People grow on you, stuff happen on you; people come & go and leave you, time changes on you, people learn on you.
Maybe start by not taking everything personally. Not everything others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
Until next time, stop being a victim – there is more life outside that little box!
Tamara Booi
This blog is designed to serve all women across the globe. Its aim is to encourage, build, inspire, educate and motivate women. It will help you smile, discover, learn & share, which is all that a woman needs. Women are beautiful from the inside-out, intelligent, kind, soft, adorable and strong. They are the center of the universe, the world revolves around them. Let us talk it all! Tamara
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
One Of The Qualities Of Humility Is Tolerance!
How often do you tolerate those who do not share your ways of life?
Tolerance is one important quality of life that is often misinterpreted. Those who are blessed with this mental gift are often mistaken for idiocy, weakness or limited mind. In my opinion; tolerance is the acceptance of different views, social, cultural and religious diversity within the human race. If tolerance is understood as respect and consideration for the difference in human beings, as a provision to admit other ways of being and acting than that of our own, or as an attitude of acceptance of legitimate pluralism - it is therefore clearly a virtue paramount importance!
As a result of the above differences, the human mind gets conditioned to understand and behave in accordance with one’s culture, beliefs or way of life. Immediately when the universe introduces you to a place where things are done or said differently – the conditioned mind fights back. Prudent is the one who is able to employ tolerance.
As diverse as the nation is, you have your own way and I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, the only way - it does not exist. We need to teach our minds to accept what we cannot change. One of many things I have learnt from the men’s species is that - in the practice of tolerance, the best teacher is your enemy. Men keep their enemies close (including their ex’s) not because they forgot what made them enemies but because they know that there are other things that they can possible learn from them, history was made and they cannot restore it. Females can easily burn bridges from a mere conversation that did not go well. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression, in order for every individual to express her views without a penalty; there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Practically; there is no way that we can be able to tolerate just about everything so, when should we tolerate something? In my opinion one should tolerate provided that failure to do so, it is judged that the remedy be worse than the disease. Tolerance should be granted to those who insist on their rights, provided they do not violate the fundamental human rights. You should tolerate that which you cannot change. One of my philosophies in life is that - free your energies from what you cannot change rather focus on what you can do to influence the control. Wise married women would agree with me on that one - The same concept shall apply to every area of our lives – work on the influence and the result will determine the control.
Ladies, no individual is born with tolerance – it is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice. It is the ability to listen & accept others; valuing the different ways of understanding and positions in life. Give respect and consideration to other people’s values, beliefs & religions. If you only get along with people that speak your language, like what you like, agree with everything you say – you are limiting your mental capacity. Maybe you are only comfortable with people who share your religious or spiritual beliefs; and you close off on the rest of the world. Locking yourself into your little corner is like locking your mind into one little valve.
One successful business man once said to me, throughout his career he’s never been in a boardroom trying to convince an associate to understand his way of life. He further said that he once sat down and eventually closed a deal with his ex girlfriend’s husband. Clearly, these two could not allow their past to determine their future. They tolerated each other’s positions and in the end they learnt something new about each other. Now ask a woman to be just in the same room with her ‘so called’ enemy & you will witness a whole different scenario all together! One would justify this and bring out the tired-emotional-card but remember; tolerance is an acquired skill – it can be learnt.
Today I’d like us to adopt and apply the spirit of tolerance – it is one crucial quality of humbleness.
Until next time - Stay tolerant!
Tamara Booi
Tolerance is one important quality of life that is often misinterpreted. Those who are blessed with this mental gift are often mistaken for idiocy, weakness or limited mind. In my opinion; tolerance is the acceptance of different views, social, cultural and religious diversity within the human race. If tolerance is understood as respect and consideration for the difference in human beings, as a provision to admit other ways of being and acting than that of our own, or as an attitude of acceptance of legitimate pluralism - it is therefore clearly a virtue paramount importance!
As a result of the above differences, the human mind gets conditioned to understand and behave in accordance with one’s culture, beliefs or way of life. Immediately when the universe introduces you to a place where things are done or said differently – the conditioned mind fights back. Prudent is the one who is able to employ tolerance.
As diverse as the nation is, you have your own way and I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, the only way - it does not exist. We need to teach our minds to accept what we cannot change. One of many things I have learnt from the men’s species is that - in the practice of tolerance, the best teacher is your enemy. Men keep their enemies close (including their ex’s) not because they forgot what made them enemies but because they know that there are other things that they can possible learn from them, history was made and they cannot restore it. Females can easily burn bridges from a mere conversation that did not go well. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression, in order for every individual to express her views without a penalty; there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Practically; there is no way that we can be able to tolerate just about everything so, when should we tolerate something? In my opinion one should tolerate provided that failure to do so, it is judged that the remedy be worse than the disease. Tolerance should be granted to those who insist on their rights, provided they do not violate the fundamental human rights. You should tolerate that which you cannot change. One of my philosophies in life is that - free your energies from what you cannot change rather focus on what you can do to influence the control. Wise married women would agree with me on that one - The same concept shall apply to every area of our lives – work on the influence and the result will determine the control.
Ladies, no individual is born with tolerance – it is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice. It is the ability to listen & accept others; valuing the different ways of understanding and positions in life. Give respect and consideration to other people’s values, beliefs & religions. If you only get along with people that speak your language, like what you like, agree with everything you say – you are limiting your mental capacity. Maybe you are only comfortable with people who share your religious or spiritual beliefs; and you close off on the rest of the world. Locking yourself into your little corner is like locking your mind into one little valve.
One successful business man once said to me, throughout his career he’s never been in a boardroom trying to convince an associate to understand his way of life. He further said that he once sat down and eventually closed a deal with his ex girlfriend’s husband. Clearly, these two could not allow their past to determine their future. They tolerated each other’s positions and in the end they learnt something new about each other. Now ask a woman to be just in the same room with her ‘so called’ enemy & you will witness a whole different scenario all together! One would justify this and bring out the tired-emotional-card but remember; tolerance is an acquired skill – it can be learnt.
Today I’d like us to adopt and apply the spirit of tolerance – it is one crucial quality of humbleness.
Until next time - Stay tolerant!
Tamara Booi
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