How often do you tolerate those who do not share your ways of life?
Tolerance is one important quality of life that is often misinterpreted. Those who are blessed with this mental gift are often mistaken for idiocy, weakness or limited mind. In my opinion; tolerance is the acceptance of different views, social, cultural and religious diversity within the human race. If tolerance is understood as respect and consideration for the difference in human beings, as a provision to admit other ways of being and acting than that of our own, or as an attitude of acceptance of legitimate pluralism - it is therefore clearly a virtue paramount importance!
As a result of the above differences, the human mind gets conditioned to understand and behave in accordance with one’s culture, beliefs or way of life. Immediately when the universe introduces you to a place where things are done or said differently – the conditioned mind fights back. Prudent is the one who is able to employ tolerance.
As diverse as the nation is, you have your own way and I have mine. As for the right way, the correct way, the only way - it does not exist. We need to teach our minds to accept what we cannot change. One of many things I have learnt from the men’s species is that - in the practice of tolerance, the best teacher is your enemy. Men keep their enemies close (including their ex’s) not because they forgot what made them enemies but because they know that there are other things that they can possible learn from them, history was made and they cannot restore it. Females can easily burn bridges from a mere conversation that did not go well. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression, in order for every individual to express her views without a penalty; there must be a spirit of tolerance in the entire population.
Practically; there is no way that we can be able to tolerate just about everything so, when should we tolerate something? In my opinion one should tolerate provided that failure to do so, it is judged that the remedy be worse than the disease. Tolerance should be granted to those who insist on their rights, provided they do not violate the fundamental human rights. You should tolerate that which you cannot change. One of my philosophies in life is that - free your energies from what you cannot change rather focus on what you can do to influence the control. Wise married women would agree with me on that one - The same concept shall apply to every area of our lives – work on the influence and the result will determine the control.
Ladies, no individual is born with tolerance – it is an acquired skill that requires a lot of practice. It is the ability to listen & accept others; valuing the different ways of understanding and positions in life. Give respect and consideration to other people’s values, beliefs & religions. If you only get along with people that speak your language, like what you like, agree with everything you say – you are limiting your mental capacity. Maybe you are only comfortable with people who share your religious or spiritual beliefs; and you close off on the rest of the world. Locking yourself into your little corner is like locking your mind into one little valve.
One successful business man once said to me, throughout his career he’s never been in a boardroom trying to convince an associate to understand his way of life. He further said that he once sat down and eventually closed a deal with his ex girlfriend’s husband. Clearly, these two could not allow their past to determine their future. They tolerated each other’s positions and in the end they learnt something new about each other. Now ask a woman to be just in the same room with her ‘so called’ enemy & you will witness a whole different scenario all together! One would justify this and bring out the tired-emotional-card but remember; tolerance is an acquired skill – it can be learnt.
Today I’d like us to adopt and apply the spirit of tolerance – it is one crucial quality of humbleness.
Until next time - Stay tolerant!
Tamara Booi
I must say that it is always inspiring to read your blog. Your open-mind when comes to these topics encourages and I hope women will be empowered in the process. You remind us that people will never think the same, therefore tolerance is vital. Tolerance for me means even if I don't agree with your view, I will listen. Indeed the right way, the correct way, the only way- does not exist, and I hope women will grasp that, it is not always "my way or else". I could not help but comment although I'm of the other species. Good work Tamara keep it up.
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