“Sexual attractions will prevent men & women from forming strong platonic bonds...”
There is an old debate about how Fe-Male friendships can or cannot survive. In our modern society we see more development on these friendships but the underlying question still exists. Friendships and social interactions are important in our lives. Studies have shown that socialization can help improve mental and emotional health. Having strong friendships is believed to reduce or prevent depression and even improve one’s memory. I personally agree with the above theory but can we have intimate friendships with our opposite gender?
In my opinion, friendships can be made between anyone at any time but developing strong bonds with the opposite sex can complicate friendships. Depending on what your social beliefs are about what constitutes friendship for between men and women. Female friendship has more intimate elements. We seek care, support and sharing. In our gatherings we dish out our fears, hurt and we get all vulnerable at each other. We cry, laugh & talk about everything including how we should be crying with make-up on. So man should just give up, we are not going to stop crying just because makeup has become popular in our recent life. We are just going to find out how to cry while wearing it:-). We sleep together and share blankets while watching movies. We touch, kiss & hold each other showing support or giving comfort.
On the other hand, men get together to unwind. For them friendship is all about positive competition and seldom about how they feel about life. Men are afraid of being vulnerable at each other as this is perceived as being ‘less of a man’. Conversational styles also differ for them; who typically focus on power and hierarchy in their interactions, while women focus more on connection.
Looking at the above differences one would need to have a great understanding to form a sincere friendship across genders. Just because she is crying on your shoulder after a hiccup in her life doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you. Same applies to us ladies, just because he is polite doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to have a relationship with you. The dissimilarities between the two genders are the core reason why it is not advisable to form intimate friendships between a man and a woman. However, if you know that you are capable of being constantly aware that you are dealing with the opposite – you can try this. If you are not yet sure, please keep the friendship as neutral as possible. Having to have sex with your male friend or your ex every time you are hurting may make you feel better in the moment, but is it really what you needed? Be able to differentiate! This doesn’t necessarily lye with sexual attractions only, the way we engage in topics may be a little awkward for men (unless of cause he’s gay:-).
I believe having male friends at arms length can be good for you. They are great at giving different perceptive in life and you can learn a lot from their strength of achieving and their innovative spirit. Inviting him in for pizza on a chilli Friday night might not be a good idea though. He will sleep with you because he thinks thats what you want. They understand they are there to fix things. He might just 'fix' you making you think you have started a relationship. To him, he is still your friend just that there was some 'fixing' that needed to happen:-). You might end up calling him a cow if you phone him at work to talk about how you got a bargain from a La Senza Sale recently - because he will not engage the way you want. He is definitely not a cow; you are just talking to a wrong friend at a wrong time.
Ladies, stop hurting yourselves by seeking comfort from male friends. Have them around when you need to unwind too! When you have those days where you need interactions that are less emotionally challenging & more power stimulating.
Until next time, Power to Sisterhood!
Tamara Booi
This blog is designed to serve all women across the globe. Its aim is to encourage, build, inspire, educate and motivate women. It will help you smile, discover, learn & share, which is all that a woman needs. Women are beautiful from the inside-out, intelligent, kind, soft, adorable and strong. They are the center of the universe, the world revolves around them. Let us talk it all! Tamara
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Slow Down Youth of South Africa!
Are we in such a rush as youth of South Africa, or are we just moving with the times...
I love the 21st century era! We see more educated youth across all races, great business opportunities, hungry and dedicated men, independent women, social networks, internet, instant foods, rights and rights and more rights!
The world is becoming a circus. Almost like different music is playing at the same time and people are dancing to their own favourite tunes. All good and well for our evident success however, it’s concerning how we value life in the process. We are in such an adrenaline rush to a point where we achieve a five year’s work in six months! We sometimes forget that there were also achievers before our generation. The difference between us and them is that they understood the value of a marathon opposed to that of a sprinter. They were driven by long-term goals and we are driven by money, status and possessions.
Over the Easter Holidays I was at a gathering where (in my fashion) I got a couple of young-middle aged men talking. I obviously wanted to understand the logic of our fellow youth, their aspirations and long-term goals. I gathered that our youth is incredibly ambitious such that by age 38 they already are married, have kids, huge houses, successful businesses and all the expensive toys. I also figured that beyond it all there is little to non ambition thereafter; life is just a game and a hollow adventure. In all fairness, what else would you be interested in doing when you have it all at 38! With another 22yrs to retirement, you will be travelling, experimenting with things and people. We have a growing number of successful men in our country who just ‘turned’ bisexual. These people either have too much time or too much money at their disposal. They have it all, done it all, seen it all and the only thing bringing excitement in their lives is wild adventure.
Women on the other hand are on their own quest to be equalled, successful, self-sufficient, recognised and listened to. I just loved the sound of my keyboard when I typed that because I too fall into that category. However, like men the majority of us are running a sprinter with a blind fold. In a space of 5yrs (in no particular order) we work and get high corporate positions or even our own businesses, date, marry, have kids, divorce, re-date and live-in with younger men or just turn into lesbians.
Teenagers by age 20, they have long-lost their virginity, have at least 2 kids and on a mission to be successful and be recognised with no particular long-term goals. Having one partner as a boyfriend is taboo in our times! A drink from a stranger at a bar confirms a date and even a sexual encounter the same night. Every chance we get we complain about the unfaithful behaviours of our men forgetting that we are the ones holding the keys. I don’t think men even recall how to propose a lady. It is way too easy for them to touch us, and getting under our skirts is worth a Jimmy choo heels (even a cell phone airtime) which is not even half a quarter of his bank account.
Getting married is becoming a fashion too; it’s a matter of who can afford to. Seemingly no one realizes the value of marriage and the consequences of making that decision. It is like we have created a life checklist, we want to experience everything just to tick it off and go to the next. I was shocked when I heard that a couple that got married in Dec 2010 have divorced in March this year. This is unheard of!
I strongly believe that the government and media of our country have a huge influence on this issue and any other motivational challenge facing our youth. We hear and read more about the success of role models in our country and less about the critical values our celebrities and key leaders have. Values may not do anything for the growth of the country’s economy perhaps, but they sure can decrease the growing rate of HIV and AIDS deaths in our youth. They can reduce the number of high school drop-outs caused by teenage pregnancies. In my opinion, I think it’s a short-sighted decision for government to rather allow pregnant teenagers to carry on with school than finding ways to have a moral society. I salute the Zulu community that is still holding on to values such as ukuhlolwa kwentombi. People have varying opinions about this and it’s a touching matter but in my experience; nothing good has ever been popular.
We need to see more of successful people with strong values to hold influential positions. Our television screens need to show less of controversial immoral people. The youth needs to understand that if you carry yourself in a particular manner – you will not be seen on TV, heard on the radio nor read of on magazines. Our youth believes that controversial stories sell magazines & newspapers, so why bother being ethical because no one is interested in that.
By all means this article is not taking anything away from the individuals who are successful and possess great values for our society. There are great role models out there and we need to hear more of them. The youth of South Africa needs to slow down! We suppose to bury our parents and not the other way around. Success is good and we all want it but life is meaningless without values. An immoral society is a dying society. Our country has won a racial struggle and now we have a duty to fight a struggle of a corrupt society.
Until next time!
Tamara Booi
I love the 21st century era! We see more educated youth across all races, great business opportunities, hungry and dedicated men, independent women, social networks, internet, instant foods, rights and rights and more rights!
The world is becoming a circus. Almost like different music is playing at the same time and people are dancing to their own favourite tunes. All good and well for our evident success however, it’s concerning how we value life in the process. We are in such an adrenaline rush to a point where we achieve a five year’s work in six months! We sometimes forget that there were also achievers before our generation. The difference between us and them is that they understood the value of a marathon opposed to that of a sprinter. They were driven by long-term goals and we are driven by money, status and possessions.
Over the Easter Holidays I was at a gathering where (in my fashion) I got a couple of young-middle aged men talking. I obviously wanted to understand the logic of our fellow youth, their aspirations and long-term goals. I gathered that our youth is incredibly ambitious such that by age 38 they already are married, have kids, huge houses, successful businesses and all the expensive toys. I also figured that beyond it all there is little to non ambition thereafter; life is just a game and a hollow adventure. In all fairness, what else would you be interested in doing when you have it all at 38! With another 22yrs to retirement, you will be travelling, experimenting with things and people. We have a growing number of successful men in our country who just ‘turned’ bisexual. These people either have too much time or too much money at their disposal. They have it all, done it all, seen it all and the only thing bringing excitement in their lives is wild adventure.
Women on the other hand are on their own quest to be equalled, successful, self-sufficient, recognised and listened to. I just loved the sound of my keyboard when I typed that because I too fall into that category. However, like men the majority of us are running a sprinter with a blind fold. In a space of 5yrs (in no particular order) we work and get high corporate positions or even our own businesses, date, marry, have kids, divorce, re-date and live-in with younger men or just turn into lesbians.
Teenagers by age 20, they have long-lost their virginity, have at least 2 kids and on a mission to be successful and be recognised with no particular long-term goals. Having one partner as a boyfriend is taboo in our times! A drink from a stranger at a bar confirms a date and even a sexual encounter the same night. Every chance we get we complain about the unfaithful behaviours of our men forgetting that we are the ones holding the keys. I don’t think men even recall how to propose a lady. It is way too easy for them to touch us, and getting under our skirts is worth a Jimmy choo heels (even a cell phone airtime) which is not even half a quarter of his bank account.
Getting married is becoming a fashion too; it’s a matter of who can afford to. Seemingly no one realizes the value of marriage and the consequences of making that decision. It is like we have created a life checklist, we want to experience everything just to tick it off and go to the next. I was shocked when I heard that a couple that got married in Dec 2010 have divorced in March this year. This is unheard of!
I strongly believe that the government and media of our country have a huge influence on this issue and any other motivational challenge facing our youth. We hear and read more about the success of role models in our country and less about the critical values our celebrities and key leaders have. Values may not do anything for the growth of the country’s economy perhaps, but they sure can decrease the growing rate of HIV and AIDS deaths in our youth. They can reduce the number of high school drop-outs caused by teenage pregnancies. In my opinion, I think it’s a short-sighted decision for government to rather allow pregnant teenagers to carry on with school than finding ways to have a moral society. I salute the Zulu community that is still holding on to values such as ukuhlolwa kwentombi. People have varying opinions about this and it’s a touching matter but in my experience; nothing good has ever been popular.
We need to see more of successful people with strong values to hold influential positions. Our television screens need to show less of controversial immoral people. The youth needs to understand that if you carry yourself in a particular manner – you will not be seen on TV, heard on the radio nor read of on magazines. Our youth believes that controversial stories sell magazines & newspapers, so why bother being ethical because no one is interested in that.
By all means this article is not taking anything away from the individuals who are successful and possess great values for our society. There are great role models out there and we need to hear more of them. The youth of South Africa needs to slow down! We suppose to bury our parents and not the other way around. Success is good and we all want it but life is meaningless without values. An immoral society is a dying society. Our country has won a racial struggle and now we have a duty to fight a struggle of a corrupt society.
Until next time!
Tamara Booi
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