To Be a Victim is a Choice – says Tamara Booi

Do you feel relieved, calmer, happier and more self accepting when there is someone or something to blame for an unpleasant situation you found yourself in?

You may be blaming everything and everyone around you for the unfortunate place in your life. By definition – you are choosing to identify yourself as a victim. Being a victim feels awful and you are sure to look the part – awful. As the law of attraction suggests – as an awful-looking individual, you will attract similar people who understands how it feels to be awful and pity will be the order of your daily life.

Be able to identify abuse (in any form) and take full responsibility of your situation. The most recognized form of abuse is physical abuse. However, I believe that one suffers a lot of emotional abuse way before physical abuse take place. Staying a victim of emotional abuse is a direct application of a physical one. The first step in being ‘victim free’ is to realize that you don’t have to, and that it is a choice. If you expect to be treated badly, you WILL be treated badly. However, if you treat yourself like the fabulous goddess you are and expect only the best – people will see that in you and start treating as such. I must say it is easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It takes two things - TIME & PRACTICE. The more you refuse to be a victim, the more seriously people will take you and your boundaries.

Ladies, I’d like to share with you some of my own personal “Bill of Rights” that I believe every woman should live by:

• You have the right to make your own choices
• You have the right to follow your own values & standards, as long as you not abusive towards others
• You have the right to dignity and respect
• You have the right to ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS
• You have the right to determine and honour your priorities
• You have the right to SAY NO when you feel you are not ready, unsafe or if it violates your values
• You have a right to make mistakes and not be perfect
• You have the right to change your mind anytime
• You have the right to your personal space and time
• You have the right to be sexual & celebrate sexuality (including orgasm)
• You have the right to your own spiritual beliefs
• You have the right to joyfully receive without feeling guilty
• You have the right to be happy.

People who see themselves as victims of other people’s behaviour are at high risk of being treated badly than those who don’t see themselves that way. Be strong and empowered, don’t take abuse from anyone! Move away from phrases like – “I don’t have luck in men”; “He’s not my type”; “...coz I’m poor”; “He can’t love me because...”; “I just don’t have luck period”; “Even this one will never work”.

By not coming forward about rape or any form of physical abuse, you are choosing to be a victim forever. Not even those you dearly love (like your father or your husband) have NO right to talk down on you. Allowing this will make you believe that there’s nothing wrong in talking down on others. Peter McWilliams’ definition of a victim is – “A person to whom life happens”. People grow on you, stuff happen on you; people come & go and leave you, time changes on you, people learn on you.

Maybe start by not taking everything personally. Not everything others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Until next time, stop being a victim – there is more life outside that little box!





Tamara Booi