Forgiveness is a decision not a feeling

Forgiveness is a conscious choice & a physical act to fulfil the will, it is not a feeling or an emotional state of being.

Anger, rage, bitterness & self-protection are the most common initial reactions when we have been wronged. We don’t immediately overflow with mercy, grace or forgiveness. This is rather difficult to control, but is it sensible for one to overstay these feelings?

People who have been holding their perpetrators for so long in their hearts hate to hear the word ‘forgive’. Reasonably so because there are heavy acts of cruelty and injustice we do to one another. Some are just unbearable to just forgive and our instincts make us believe that forgiveness scorns the sin committed against us.

I have learnt to believe that forgiveness is one of the most needed therapies. It is easier said than done and you have to experience it to appreciate its rewards. No matter the crime, reality is - your soul needs peace. A heavy heart is not capable of all its functionalities. It does not love or receive love; it does not trust or receive trust, too heavy to receive any form of blessings.

You are probably asking, how do you forgive someone who killed your parents? How do you forgive someone who is the cause of your disability today? How do you forgive someone who lied about your paternity? How do you forgive someone who abused you physically/emotionally? How do you forgive someone who has cheated on you? How do you forgive someone who just packed and left after 15yrs of your devoted love to him? ..And the list goes on ladies. My answer is - Your soul needs peace. You are in the way of God’s work. His work on you can not be complete if you decide to do His job. Our job is to take a decision to forgive, by faith. God’s job is to judge and punish those who have wronged us. We shall therefore continue to forgive (our job) until the work of forgiveness is completed in our hearts (God’s job). God urges us to forgive for us to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a long slow process, so is everything related with God.

It requires a lot of prayer and belief to decide to forgive the above sins. However, I get very worried when we can’t forgive each other for miner grievances against one another. We keeping friends heavy in our hearts because they never invited us to their weddings/parties, or someone talking bad about us behind our backs, I mean really!?! Are we that bored! God wants to bless us but where can He put His blessings in those pre-occupied heart?

On the other hand, just personally you will not grow if you don’t forgive. Release this one individual that is blocking your sight to your future. It is a chapter of your life that you had to go through, release it and move on. The father of your child may have left you for a younger woman, and you wonder why you have not found a good man for yourself yet. Release him so you can be free to receive a new man that will be good to you. I can imagine this situation can never be nice; it is not the ideal life situation for any woman but your heart needs peace. Forgive even if you don’t love him anymore, you don’t need to be back together with him to forgive him.

The process of forgiveness can be very confusing. You may have decided to forgive a long time ago, but sometimes you still feel angry and bitter and you ask yourself why you still have these feelings if you truly did forgive. Hold on tight to your decision to forgive, it is a process. You will know that the process is over when you have a feeling of freedom in your heart. When thoughts about your perpetrator don’t anger you no more; when thoughts about your relationship ordeal don’t hurt no more; when meeting the one who wronged you don’t matter no more; when a topic similar to your awful experience don’t make you cry no more.

Bad life experiences help us grow; one bad experience gives us strength to face another.

Until next time – Forgive, your soul needs peace.

Tamara Booi