"I blame it all on the Daddies"

Parenting is one of the underrated difficult professions; we all have our unique opinions on it- the how’s & when’s but one can never be sure of the final product.

As a follower of the TV program on SABC 1 – Khumbulekhaya; I realized that there are a lot of unstable souls out there & mainly resulted from unstable homes or unstable parents. Relationships are hard and people nowadays are moving so quickly away from sacrificing their own happiness for the stability of their own homes & psychological health of their children. I am also a firm believer of mutual happiness in relationships or marriage but I get confused when I think of a situation whereby my happiness could, for some reason require me to be without the father of my child. Can parents really win? Or do we just take decisions and hope for the best?

Although this is a collective responsibility for both parents; it is evident that the most blamed parent for a failed relationship/marriage is the father. Most kids continue to blame their fathers for leaving them until the ages where they are grown up & understands; and some just never understands! Is it a natural instinct- as mothers were the carriers, or does the major responsibility really lies with the fathers? Things were even worse back in the days as daddies would simple forget that they even fathered a child somewhere. I salute the men of our century as they strive to keep relations with their children even when they failed keeping their commitments with their mothers.

A few weeks back I found myself in yet another discussion about this topic. I discovered that this issue is so contagious - more than I thought! One way or the other, it affects at least one area of a child’s life. A number of us are affected negatively with this scenario; we turned out to be the worst copy of the actual situation – low self esteem, men/woman haters, relationships/marriage haters, drug users, women/man abusers & non-believers of life in general. A smaller section of us is however affected positively – marriage builders, self coaches, writers, men in relations with their children, woman who are soldiers of happiness in marriage etc. Amongst both sections; I have realised that there is a huge number that is affected unconsciously! In my opinion; the latter group is the one in danger because (1) they don’t even know they’ve got a challenge (2) society deals with ‘seen’ problems i.e. a doctor will heal a sick person... (3) Even when they notice challenges in their lives, they have no substantial evidence of the core. One lady amongst the group that I was with said – I don’t care what you guys say, “I blame it all on the Daddies!” Another observation was; those who are affected positively strangely enough still suffer a lot from internal emotions.

Do you think that ALL children from broken families or single parenting; with or without evident challenges should undergo counseling? I really would like us to stop blaming either of the parents as this is not a clear-cut textbook analogy and try a compulsory solution – a solution that all men-kind can benefit from – rich or poor! Maybe; a request to government to offer a free access to psychologists; only to children who come from the above groups & cannot afford the excessive fee asked by psychologists.

Are you a product of divorce? single parenting? or just don't even know one your parents? How has this affected your life?



Tamara Booi