Do Cross-Gender Friendships work?

“Sexual attractions will prevent men & women from forming strong platonic bonds...”

There is an old debate about how Fe-Male friendships can or cannot survive. In our modern society we see more development on these friendships but the underlying question still exists. Friendships and social interactions are important in our lives. Studies have shown that socialization can help improve mental and emotional health. Having strong friendships is believed to reduce or prevent depression and even improve one’s memory. I personally agree with the above theory but can we have intimate friendships with our opposite gender?

In my opinion, friendships can be made between anyone at any time but developing strong bonds with the opposite sex can complicate friendships. Depending on what your social beliefs are about what constitutes friendship for between men and women. Female friendship has more intimate elements. We seek care, support and sharing. In our gatherings we dish out our fears, hurt and we get all vulnerable at each other. We cry, laugh & talk about everything including how we should be crying with make-up on. So man should just give up, we are not going to stop crying just because makeup has become popular in our recent life. We are just going to find out how to cry while wearing it:-). We sleep together and share blankets while watching movies. We touch, kiss & hold each other showing support or giving comfort.

On the other hand, men get together to unwind. For them friendship is all about positive competition and seldom about how they feel about life. Men are afraid of being vulnerable at each other as this is perceived as being ‘less of a man’. Conversational styles also differ for them; who typically focus on power and hierarchy in their interactions, while women focus more on connection.

Looking at the above differences one would need to have a great understanding to form a sincere friendship across genders. Just because she is crying on your shoulder after a hiccup in her life doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have sex with you. Same applies to us ladies, just because he is polite doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to have a relationship with you. The dissimilarities between the two genders are the core reason why it is not advisable to form intimate friendships between a man and a woman. However, if you know that you are capable of being constantly aware that you are dealing with the opposite – you can try this. If you are not yet sure, please keep the friendship as neutral as possible. Having to have sex with your male friend or your ex every time you are hurting may make you feel better in the moment, but is it really what you needed? Be able to differentiate! This doesn’t necessarily lye with sexual attractions only, the way we engage in topics may be a little awkward for men (unless of cause he’s gay:-).

I believe having male friends at arms length can be good for you. They are great at giving different perceptive in life and you can learn a lot from their strength of achieving and their innovative spirit. Inviting him in for pizza on a chilli Friday night might not be a good idea though. He will sleep with you because he thinks thats what you want. They understand they are there to fix things. He might just 'fix' you making you think you have started a relationship. To him, he is still your friend just that there was some 'fixing' that needed to happen:-). You might end up calling him a cow if you phone him at work to talk about how you got a bargain from a La Senza Sale recently - because he will not engage the way you want. He is definitely not a cow; you are just talking to a wrong friend at a wrong time.

Ladies, stop hurting yourselves by seeking comfort from male friends. Have them around when you need to unwind too! When you have those days where you need interactions that are less emotionally challenging & more power stimulating.

Until next time, Power to Sisterhood!




Tamara Booi