Are you living the life you should or that which is accepted by society?

“No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten customs supported by popular opinions”

Life is a beautiful long journey, and I believe we all would like to walk through it with pride. One of the things I like most about it is that it is unpredictable. It can flip from dark to dawn in an instant, and that is what keeps it more interesting. As we mature we appreciate that there is no right or wrong in the way in which people conduct their lives. Those who believe and understand this have freed their minds and turn to be more liberal than others. However, there are still those understood – unrecorded - traditional ‘laws’ that differentiate wrong from that which is considered right.

In my opinion, those understood practices have a negative impact in our lives, growth, relationships and how we view things and others. They are like danger to us in the sense that they are engraved in our minds. No matter how free our country is our minds are still not free from popular habits.

In the past, for obvious reasons white people were considered the most intelligent population. Even today, for some reason there are areas where we trust them more than our black fellows. If one is in hospital for example, and in theatre, one would prefer being surrounded by white specialists. My son started crèche two weeks ago. On his first day, I was eager to drop him off because I wanted to meet his teacher. A well mannered presentable (probably qualified) black lady welcomed me in his class. My unsettled face could not help but keep looking behind her hoping to see a ‘white face’. As we were talking, I was somehow relieved to realize that she was an assistant and the teacher was not there yet. Ask yourself why?

The English language is another factor. We put pressure on one another to not only speak but twang the language. It is puzzling to realize that black people with an ‘English’ accent are still considered smart. They are not only smart but they are even more attractive to men – Sad.

We are generally conscious about how we look. Not that we are entirely unhappy about our natural look but – the beauty is considered to be in that long noise, soft long hair, long lashes and pink lips. We go out of our way to get these looks just to be seen as ‘one of us’. Some even put pressure on their relationships or marriages because they can not be viewed as ‘cannot afford’. Some are just creating embarrassing looks as they grab the next best thing they can get their hands on just to fit in.

Relationships are suffering from the ever lasting opinions on how things should or should not be done. You get a man who likes cooking and is paired with a woman who hates the sight of pots. I tell you this relationship/marriage will be strained because this man will not do what he likes – cooking, as it is considered a woman’s job. I have a girl friend who sincerely likes to make barbecue and she does it better than her hubby. She’s only allowed to do it when they are alone at home. If they have visitors, hubby does it and robs guests off the scrumptious barbecue they could ever get from that house.

Men are suppose to earn more salaries than their women and should be in executive positions than their spouses...as it were. Great relationships are suffering from this stereotype. Good men are being destroyed internally by how we value the size of their pockets more than the love and treatment they can give us. I am not asking you to go pick a broke apathetic man who does nothing but your koekie. I sure hell don’t want to die broke too. However, I don’t see a reason why you can not have a loving, motivated working man who just earns less than you do.

Women are suffering from the venom called infidelity in relationships/marriages. Societal old traditions have also gender-differentiated this challenge and is justified – Men can cheat and women cannot. Women are distress from this and continue to be emotionally damaged. This is something that needs to be seen as a challenge for both genders. Ladies, I am not condoning infidelity here! Two wrongs can never make right! What I am highlighting is the fact that the most common reasons why men cheat could very well be that women suffer from them too but just cannot cheat. If this could be viewed like this, men could learn to work on their relationships more before they cheat or divorce.

You maybe changing relationships like underwear, to a point where they have given you names. Call me liberal but if they are not what you looking for – change them till you get what you want. As long as you keep your dignity, pride and repeat no mistakes.

Ladies, you need to know what you want, go out there and get it. People make life enjoyable but they can be a major destruction on your voyage to true happiness. It’s your decision, its either you live your life making them happy or live your life and be happy.

Until next time – be true to ones self!



Tamara Booi